Can my 32 year old W have a midlife crisis?

[Dawn of Hope]

I will have to read your thread, right now I am running around getting ready for a wedding! Just curious have you told anyone else? Her mother and I are close and chat. I have mentioned that I am sure she is having an affair, before I found the e-mail. The whole family knows that she was hanging out with the older guy and are disgusted My F in Law and B in Law wanted to go over to his house and have a word with him but I told them that it would push my W away. At the time it was only emotional and I sometimes wish they went over because it may have stopped the PA.

I feel frusterated like you and I can't stand thinking about her with him!!! I don't have any kids so I wonder if it is all worth it I still love her but I don't love who she has become! Knowing what I know now it is hard to be upbeat when I talk to her I just want to scream! How do you deal with it?

Jeff,
I would be pleased to have you read my threads (I'm on my second one now). Better make a pot of coffee first; I don't do "succinct" very well!

To answer your questions as briefly as is possible for me(!), since it is 5:30 a.m. and I am really overdue for bed after a stressful evening (I'll be posting to my thread about it before I turn in): I have told a bunch of people about this--my immediate family (mother and brother) know about it. I also talked to H's sister, which I wouldn't have done ordinarily except that she went through similar experiences with her first H. I talked to people about this because I was in too much pain to hold it in, but if I could do it over again, I wouldn't tell anyone except a few very close friends who I knew would be loyal to me, although I would probably hint at it with my family. I do NOT recommend telling family, especially hers--it forces them to choose sides, and they will usually go with blood. My H's sister told my H about things I had told her that she had promised to keep to herself. So...I won't be confiding in her again.

I don't have any kids either. I am, nevertheless, in this for the long haul. I love my H, but I don't like him much (or feel very romantic towards him). This is the kind of love that can endure anything--agape love. It is an act of will rather than a feeling.

I deal with it by: prayer, talking to people I can trust; and good antidepressants. I know how impossibly hard it is to put on that happy face for your unfaithful S when you are dying inside, but you have to tap into resources you never knew you had. This experience WILL change you; it's up to you to make the changes for the better.

Okay, this is as much as I can manage before I fall on my face with exhaustion. I hope this helps some, and I'll check back in with you later.

Peace,
Dawn