"People Just Fall Out of Love". I say False Hubby would say TRUE
How do you feel about love being a choice, a decision, and not a feeling? Love is a choice is True is my opinion on this - it is a decision to work things out or to walk away, it is a decission to do what is right, it is a decission to care for your sick spouse, it is a decission to cheat on your spouse, it is a decission whether to spend the money correctly & be happy about it or to waste the money because you want to show off for friends or family "keeping up with the Jones' Syndrome" all decissions are a choice it is a choice to listen & learn or to blindly run away
In what ways have you, and your partner, might have let your love dwindle, and not made your love for each other a priority? I actually in 20/20 hindsight see where there's been alot of miscommunication going on between my husband & myself
1)while I'm in a class I try to make sure that the money paid for the class is put to the best use & make sure that I only have to take the class 1 time so I really focus on the lessons & to give him free time with the tv I'd go into the livingroom & sometimes fall asleep on the futon & he took that to mean neglecting & not wanting him rather than the fact that I was trying to let him have peace & quiet & lights out while I studied
2)he took my distaste for Porno to mean that I wouldn't be willing to try new things, I take his porno watching on the internet as cheating on me, I've been angry for years over the lack of creativity from him & I'd resigned myself to a boring marriage in the sex dept somewhere along the way we really got those signals mixed up & at this point he's aware that he really doesn't know his wife as a truely sexual being & I'm still aggravated as we'd touched on something that needs to be further looked into & he's shut up like a clam, so I'm still stuck lacking in the sex dept
3) He's made drinking & hangging with his "new trashy friends" a priority 4)my focus is getting out of the slum that we've been stuck in since 1997
5)We've had several arguements when I was in real estate over the needs which I had for the computer he wouldn't listen to me but would listen to his friend who althou a nice guy who can build a good home use computer hasn't the slightest idea of what I needed for the biz needs computer
How do you feel about Michele's statement of
"If your spouse reports falling out of love, just say nothing and remind yourself that nothing is permanent. If s/he fell out of love, s/he can fall into love again"? Althou NON-DBing people don't understand this - This is my mantra & I do beleive that statement is true Simply the fact that 1.5 into the MLC/runaway to mommy's house that hubby & I are still having sex on a regular (althou not not what I want as far as frequency)
& he's still trying to deny the OWhore
he's only just this past week come out of his mouth "with the I'm not coming home" - it's been along time since he's said that I think the reason for the statement is he may be feeling pressure from his parents or even in his own mind is conflicted as he does know that I've not pressured him to come home since dec 2002
What do you think about NOT talking to him/her about your "feelings" of love for each other? Althou it does go against my nature I do understand the logic as to the statement & I'm doing pretty good about keeping quiet here
About not putting any pressure on them to talk about it? It's hard but I've been doing just that I do wish that I could get him to read here or at least watch the marriage breakthrough videos It gets to be so discouraging that the skills needed to learn are right there & I'm unable to get him to use the tools I see the couple on the video & it's me & him it hurts that he's not willing to work on the marriage butwith him in MLC all I can do is wait it out
What do you think are some of the differences between "being in love" with a person, and "loving" a person? I guess this is like the statement "love the person not the act" I love my kids but they've got to move on with their lives regardless of how much they act up & piss me off they know that in the event they need help they can call me
regardless of what hubby's done he knows that I'm going to be there to go to the docs with him he knows that if he needs care after surgery he knows that I'm going to be there to give it
loving a person means that you can & do look past the hurts you do what needs to be done to support them you care about the other persons needs & sometimes that means putting your own needs 2nd while "being in love" with a person means that you don't even see the hurtful things you have on blinders & see no problems because you're so "in love" that all you see is perfection
The question is how do you let go when it appears that hubby is doing his best to make sure that I'm dependant upon him?
I'm trying to figure this out... If he really didn't have it in his head at all to come home why would he withhold what I need to get out on my own If he really didn't want me around why didn't he call last week monday night to say "tuesday I've got off so you don't need to come in the morning" there's also the possibility that this tuesday is the same yet so far no phone call has come forth saying not to come?
My son says that I should call & ask him my "grayness" I'm not calling it's on him to tell me of schedule changes if he doesn't call I'm not wasting the gas leaving & returning
I'm confused but that's the case with the MLC I guess it's another twist & turn week
but that's the case with the MLC
