"In healthy marriages, spouses have the same definition of what it means to be loving my answer would be false - but i'm thinking that hubby maybe thinking yes
From your point of view, why is this illusion wrong? how a person is rased will help determine whether they are loving outwardly - huggy people come from huggy families - while if there aren't hugs given but praises verbally given then a person is likely to be more needing to hear praises than giving of gifts to show love
How would YOU define "loving"? I feel loved in many ways, but I do think that I am 1st a feeling person & then hearing second - I'm still a bit confused reading the 5 love languages as to exactly what hubby's language is - my perspective of loving is being there for your spouse thru thick & thin, helping where ever & when ever possible, being willing to compromise, being willing to work things out, doing things together,
What would this mean to you? I feel loved when hubby shows "ownership" of me introducing me proudly to his bosses & friends, I feel loved when hubby gives me huggies, pats on the rump when he's on his way out the door hubby gave us pet names when we got married, & althou some think it's terrible we've always liked them - he calls the kids "the boy" & "the girl" & me "woman" - using the tone of voice that Homer Simpson has as we use to watch it together & son did seem to be into some sort of mischeif all the time hubby use to bring home little gifts, icecream, little trinkets when he ordered stuff online & take us out to the video store to pick up a bunch of movies as a family
What things has your partner done in the past that made you really feel loved? althou it caused arguements he bought me as surprises: 1) a pda but it was the wrong type of OS & he had to return it which made me feel bad - i'd sent him a picture of what i needed & was the cheaper version which i knew we could better afford so it did frustrate me a bit, 2) he came home announcing that he'd bought a dryer that was going to be delivered the next day - the apartment we live in can't handle the load of an electric dryer, doesn't have an outlet for an electric dryer, & for him to think about upgrading the eletrical in this apartment to put in the dryer was totally a waste of money
again he set me up for me to reject his loving gift, but it was something which shouldn't have been an arguement, he should've said oh i didn't realise that it would be so much to put in the dryer & just brought it back, instead it was a 2 day arguement
the next week or two later he did much better & I'm proud to say that with the money from the dryer he bought a portable dish washer which I've bragged about from the time that he brought it home & still today am bragging that he brought it for me (this was only 2 months before he walked out to go to his moms - doesn't sound like he was planning to leave if he just brought in the appliance)
he surprised me with tickets to go see Tim McGraw in concert & they were VIP tickets so we had good seats plus we got food & drinks in the VIP Lounge althou country music isn't my 1st choice i enjoyed myself & at the last portion of the show we were the only ones in the VIP Lounge & we danced & he sang to me "Don't take the Girl" & said that's how he felt about me I felt as if the whole concert was being put on Special just for me by Hubby
How do you think your partner would define "loving"? In Dec 2002 he told me that he doesn't feel love for me - I asked him what does he think love is? & he gave the definiation that is the head over heels like when we 1st met & didn't want to be apart - apparently he's never had explained to him that the romantic passion type of thing is suppose to end from what he said he's looking for that kind of feeling again - the fact that he had it for so long is a puzzle to me as that type of love had in fact passed long ago & early in our marriage for me
These next 3 questions I'll have to come & answer later I've got to go bring daughtr to work & figure out what my mother in laws trying to figure out & why from the questions that she was asking me a few moments ago
Part 2 answered 1/24-5/04
What would it mean to them? I tried to read the 5 love languages & it's got me really confused as to pinning down what hubby's love languages are... I know that sex is kinda high on his list at this point in life... but that was something recent with his MLC before that I was the one with the higher sex drive & I suspect that for all of his "complaining" that I still am the HSD
althou he doesn't say anything, i do think he does appreciate the meals that i send for his lunch I do remember 1 time that i was angry with him & didn't send 1 & he seemed hurt by that
i've been running thru my head whether to simply ask him, but after him saying thursday that he's not coming home when i move & him seeming to relax when i pointed out that i've not been pressuring him to come home since dec 2002,
i think that i'll just have to keep on guessing if i ask him at this point he may feel that it's pressure to work on the marriage he's not ready to "officially" work it out yet
What things have you done in the past that you think made them feel really loved? small gifts & surprises?
our 5th annaversary i had a really nice evening set up & when he went out to the car he was surprised to see a picnic basket filled with presents & little handmade cards
u know he's still got the birthday card that i gave him last year in the car door - it's on the passenger side, but he has cleaned out the car & hasn't tossed it so it must mean something to him
i think he feels good & loved when he hears me brag about something that he's gotten for me or done for me - i really made over the fake fur vest that he brought for me 2 weeks ago & he seemed pleased but I can't tell for certain as it didn't last long, MLC jeckle & hyde change up i think 2 days later
Things that have gotten positive responses from them? things keep changing daily so it's hard to keep track of I've got to get back to my solutions journalling with his being here I've not done much in it been keeping track of stuff here when i've been able to
before the reduction in cars
i sent him a few silly sexy emails - those did spark interest & was fun for both of us
before that i was getting some responses for requsets for things to be done via picture emails
i do think that he does appreciate my sense of humor
i know that thursday he calmed down when i reassured him that i wasn't pressuring him to come home it really hurt & it was hard fighting back tears but i do know that it made him open to what i was saying & even thou it wasn't what i wanted to hear from him he did at least make a babystep forward by verbally commiting to get the mortgage so we can buy a 3 family house before april give me the safe 3 family house to move to we can stay in this holding pattern for a while longer & there's time later to work on the marriage
someone kick me i'm behind schedule getting step 1 all finished by the end of 2 weeks
thanks for any input suggestions or 2x4's that i need to refocus & get this DB thing straight djembequeen
