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Trying to figure out what I can do to set the see saw on a more even side




Sometimes, it takes totally stepping off the see-saw a time or two, and letting gravity take effect by making them fall hard on their backsides! Be thinking about some even just small things you could do to totally drop the rope in a few areas, that wouldn't have devasting effects on you.

The cycle that we are in right now has partly to do with me basically doing that -
the sporty car which I've been driving is in need of some repairs
& got a broken window from the "property manager"

who's mad at the fact that I'm sort of winning in the eviction procees as I've had inspectors out to the house & they (17 of them) all wrote her up so now she's got to do things the more expensive legal way -

anyway I refuse to drive the sporty car whith the broken window & the other minor things wrong with it -
so it's parked in a private garage until hubby comes up with the money to get it repaired by a professional mechanic
& we have to share use of the wagon which he drives -


share use means
that he gets dropped off & picked up at work
& if he wants to go out drinking then bascially he'll have to take me with him
or he'll have to have his friends come & pick him up from his mothers house

as I will not be without a car simply because he wants to have fun
& run the risk that he'll get into an accident with the only working car that we have
the night that we put the sproty car into the garage such an accident happened but luckily he only got a flat tire
& he wasn't drinking yet but did have plans to go out drinking after his DWI class which is where he was headed when he had the accident

or that while he's out drinking with his friends
I need to get to my grandmother who lives a few towns away & has had congested heart failure

or my grandson who has been left at daycare by his father not picking him up

right now he's upset that althou he's escalated the fight twice I've not backed down on this car issue
& he's got to face being with out the car since he doesn't want me to be a part of the "fun" in his life


from what I can see MLC =
"u can't have fun with wife since she's the reason everythings bad in life"


when he escalated by saying that his friends don't like me
at the end of the 1st week
& I actually pressed the issue over the fact that none have a reason not to like me except that I stop the bar tab
& if there truely was nothing going on bewteen him & robin then
theres no reason that he can't bring me back to her house
just like we use to do all the time before he left...

anyway he's been on & off friendly to me since the initial arguement which was started on Jan 6 2004 at 5:45p
three times we've made love -
I think that the love making is part of the reconciliation process with him -
as after each of our escaltion fights
a few days later when things are calmer we'll make love -
sometimes he initiates sometimes I do but we do seem to get back to the point where we can at least make love
even if the sitch isn't resolved at least a truce is called


he chose to escalate a 2nd time when last week
tuesday after the eye doc appt
he was planning to drop me off

& then he was going to go to his DWI class
& out with his friends after class
except that I had made plans to visit a friend of mine who lives in the town by the class

he got really upset about that as I was screwing up his plans for the night
he'd not mentioned his plans to me -
he knew it would've been the fight that we ended up having anyway
I simply stated that while he was in class I was going to visit my friend & he blew up

I wouldn't budge on it & since he complained about the gas
I simply stated that I'd just go the Dunkin Donuts down the street
& we (she & I) could meet there if she can get away
that made him blow up even more as
I explained that going to meet at a donut shop
was no differant than meeting at a bar
only thing differant was that we'd be drinking coffee instead of beer


he was mad that class went full length
7:30p intead of just 7p as it had done before the holidays
so I got there & had to wait in the lobby for him
I did over hear the class video saying something about alcoholism
& when I looked into the class when I 1st got there
I could see him in the back looking angry & arms crossed

after the class was over he started again with the yelling
I tried to keep calm & just made the statement
that where did he plan to go? we could go now, of course he said no where
then started complaining that I had both cars

I saw it was pointless to continue to argue
& when he yelled to take him to his moms
I didn't argue about it at all
& when I was going to get out of the car
he yelled at me to go home he wanted some time away from me
I decided to give him the time & space he was asking for

he didn't want to be reasonable
& I really didn't want to deal with him
as I knew I'd be losing it in a short while

the rest of the week I've been picking him up & dropping him off
I don't think that he got mad about the sitch again until
saturday nite


I was late picking him up & son forgot to call to let him know that I was on my way
he wasn't too mad when I picked him up
he came into our apartment no problem to work on the puter problem I'd told him about
he said NO to making love, which would mean staying the nite in his head
& he said that he had a headache he looked tired so I let it go
I was very disappointed but managed to hold back the tears

but when I was going to drop him off at his moms house...
because I'd already spoken with a girlfriend of mine
that if he decided not to stay over that we'd go out for a quick drink,
I gave her a call in the car on the way to his moms...
I think at that point it hit him that I was going to be out having fun in the car
while he was going to be at his moms house with no car & no cellphone either


he said something smarta$$ when I asked him for a light
& I realised that he had my lighter, & commented on it
I simply ignored his comment & started singing along with Stevie Wonder's "part time lover"...

when we got to his moms I said see you tomorrow,
he took the dirty clothes & sheets out of the car & i pulled off

I didn't call him sunday or monday
Sunday his mom called...
asking about the 2 cars so I know that he must've complained
that I've got both cars - I set her staright about the fact the other one is still not fixed

she also started to make comments about the fact that I was bringing daughter to work on sunday
so I pointed out there's no bus to her job sundays


I actually got mad with her but bit my tongue
if she's not going to help with the sitch
then she needs to never mind whats going on over here
I'm helping my kids who are just starting to be adults & need help
just like she's "helping" her son to run away from his responsibilites

personally who's the better mother - me who tries to keep the kids out of the house & face life
or her who keeps trying to baby her "poor boy"?
but that's just me being angry right now


MIL asked about my settlement money & I knew that she was thinking I should be using that to fix the car
I told her the money is in trust
the only thing that can be used for is
retirement to care for me Or to buy a house
hubby blew his settlement money drinking with his new friends
he's not going to waste the money thats suppose to be caring for me
because he's being irrsponsible & blowing the money drinking


I've not heard from either hubby all weekend
&/or MIL hasn't called back since our chat sunday afternoon
her not calling back was abit of a surprise but actually great for me
she can be a bit stressful since she's unwilling to accept that hubby has problems
physically due to the sarcoid & the diagnosis of dibetes that he's refusing to treat either one wth the meds he's suppose to be taking
nor is she willing to address his drinking & is enabling him to do this


I'm trying to detach,
I'm trying to get a life to keep me busy
but it's a hard struggle for me when I've got no income of my own

I'm spending time here on the board & trying to
rebuild my life on the internet since the puter lost all info in it after the reformatting of the harddrive

I'm trying to stay away from the stores so that I don't spend money that I really don't have to spend

I'm also trying to work on the 7 Habbits work that I have to do
to figure out exactly what is it that is my Burning YES
but it's a bit hard to focus when I'm sick of where I am
both physically & emotionally in my life

I know that I've got to figure out an income for myself since hubby won't let me get back into real estate
I know that if I had my own income I'd not be so depressed
when he left to his moms when we were 1st married it was easier for me to handle
I was working too much to be so depressed as I've gotten this time
I was able to move on my own with out any input from him
I had my own income & didn't need him to sign the lease
I got the apartment on my own merits & income
I had what I needed to spend on what I wanted
this time is so opposite from that & it frustrates me

I told him that I think that his not giving me the money I need for the real estate license makes me feel
this is partly about him controling me & that as much as he maybe complaining to robin that i'm draining him

he's doing his best to make sure that
I've got no way to earn an income of my own
& no way that I'd be able to get away from him
& so that I'll be unattractive to any other man -
I mean really who wants a woman that can't work a job?
even if she does look good & can & likes to cook?
I'm good looking but I'm no model or trophy wife realistically speaking


Areas where you might be "over-achieving" in, that you could hand off to him.
Unfortunately with him at his moms house the only chores that I can hand off to him are the bills
& that is more of the same - he's been doing that since yr 2
when i decided that I didn't want to argue with him about the bills anymore
even thou I could do it better than him

Right now the washing of the clothes is a non-priority item
but it is a chore that I've passed on to him
if he's unwilling to get the washer repaired
or buy one that I can use (side opening) he's got to do it

Even if YOU could do things "better"!




thanks for taking the time to read my postings here
sorry if they're a bit long,
I'm just so full of confusion that I'm trying to pour out everything to make sure that I've got it all out here
hopefully then I'll have it all out of my system
so that when I see hubby I'll be able to be calm

son did point out to me that althou sometimes
even when I don't mean to at this point in time
it's visible that I'm feeling disgusted with hubby & his behavior so I've got to clear the air before dealing with him
son sometimes is wise beyond his years
& other times he's driving me nuts - typical teen I guess

your DB friend
djembequeen