'yes..I have failed...at DB and at marriage.'

You only fail when you quit. 'Though a righteous man falls seven times, the Lord will lift him up'. OT

I personally don't know if I could do any better than you in your sitch. 18 yrs and an affair are major things to deal with.

I have only been married 7 yrs, and W has not had an affair...yet.

From all I have read in following your sitch, I think you are on the cusp of a breakthrough.

For me, detachment was easier when I put some of the blame for the sitch on W. I have made my apologies and amends for a number of things, but recognize she has responsiblity for the difficulties in our M as well.

Some of the anger and blame directed at the OW and yourself should be directed at your H.

The goal of detachment for me was to attain a place of strength from which to approach W, not of lacking or neediness, which she would not respect.

After going dark for 3 weeks I am beginning to see some change in W. I have an active thread in Seperated.

Hooray for going out and getting some new jeans ! Take time to make yourself attractive, and start feeling good about you.

Tell yourself, ' I am going to make it....life is good and I am going to have a great life'

Acknowlege your faults, but don't dwell on them. Focus on what is good about Sandy.

Put on some upbeat music and do not allow yourself to spent one more moment in self pity......Promise ?

Last edited by native; 11/01/08 03:33 AM.
Me 47, W 32,D 6,
Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7
Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09