1. Conflict and anger are signs that your relationship is failing. False is my answer
True, or false? How do you think your partner would answer? I I think hubby would answer True, as he seems to run away From Conflict & uses Avoidance on the Issues that he doesn't want to deal with; ie the need for a budget
How have you and your partner dealt with conflict and anger in the past? Not very well - I'm the one who'll get explosive when I'm upset - I've been working on staying calm but still find that I'm NOT GETTING THRU because I end up doing the Broken Rcecord
he's unwilling to discuss things calmly before they become problems & either watches the TV or just zone out
once in awhile he'll come out of the blue with something & then won't continue the discussion to conclusion which frustrates me - pushing the button on me that gets me ranting & raving
What is the "typical" thing for both of you to do? Depends on the Nature of the Conflict & Who's "starting the conflict"
I have a tendancy to try to talk over something & the tone of voice increases as the frustration level rises
He has the tendancy to put off all discussions that deal with unpleasant things that he doesn't want to deal with he'll watch TV & zone out rather than participating in the discussion or he comes out of the blue blurting something & then won't discuss it any further or he doesn't discuss things that he's going to do & then gets mad when I question whats not been done or what he's doing & still doesn't fully explain himself - many agruements could be avoided if he'd simply discuss what he's planning to do & the reason for it
What do both of you do to either avoid conflict, or to instigate it? I try to ignore things or try to talk things over so that I can understand whats going on
He won't discuss things so that I can understand the reason for what he's doing He watches TV when I'm trying to have a discussion
When are the times that you've been able to deal with anger and conflict successfully? It seems like it's been forever since we've had a successfully ended conflict, I know this isn't true but it just seems like it at this point as we're in the middle of a MAJOR Conflict
what worked before his MLC for the major conflicts isn't working this time,
right now 1/06 to 1/14/04 we seem to be stuck in a conflict cycle that just doesn't seem to be ending, even thou I'm trying to calm the situation down he seems determined to escalate it - so what I've done is let him have the time alone that he's requested even thou I know that he'll just use this conflict to justify in his MLC fog mind that he's right in his outrageous behaviours
The last times that we had conflict that was close to what what we're going thru now & we couldn't seem to get to how to stop I forced us to have a discussion in the car drive that was long & we were in the car until the air was cleared - it was a long time coming, the 1st time we literally were in the car from 7am when I picked him up in the morning from work & stayed in the car until what seemed like forever - but past sunset & once we got to the major issues & seemed to be opening up to some what was the problems & solutions I let him take control of the car & we got something to eat & finished on a happy note
MLC Conflicts seem to be non-stop so far this year - just finish getting calm from the 1st & suddenly there's a new one... all actually seem to be intertwined just escalating, but the last 2 escalations are due to hubby just blurting out & then not taking to conclusion the discussion - major issues involoved & the 1st escalation he knew his choice prior to bringing up the discussion & the best thing would've been to simply forget the discussion in the 1st place (he's pushing my buttons - why I'm unsure but my theory is to justify his misbehaviour that he's got planned next)
When has it worked for them, and when has it worked for you? I'm trying to figure out this right now but since I'm in the middle of a Major Conflict Cycle that I'm unsure how to get out of at this point I'm not sure.
What were you both doing at the time? Pre-MLC the car drives worked because althou we were mad at each other for the conflict & both of us resented the car drives - him for being taken for the ride & me for feeling forced to make the drive - we did evetnually get to the point where the discussion was opened up & we began to work on resolving the problems that needed to be addressed by establishing what the true problem was & then how to deal with it in some sort of fashion - that's not happening at this point in time because he doesn't want to work things out & is in childish selfish mode - it's my way or no way
P.S. I don't want to hold anyone back, or rush them forward, so feel free to make you comments or ask questions on your own time frame. The "fitness center" here will be open for awhile!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif" alt="" />
Could use some help in this area right about now...
Any Advice would be helpful right about now djembequeen
ps Thanks "Poe" for helping me to deal with the 2nd escalation - it did help to try to calm me down, even thou I did keep taking the bait that he was setting up, you did help to get me distracted for short periods which I needed, do wish that the mic was on so you could've heard what was being said
