Can my 32 year old W have a midlife crisis?

[brandnewday]

NO NO NO.........

Honey I know this is so so so hard, but please "Be Still" for now.

You can confront later on, another time, but not now.

Breathe..........

Use the 24 hour rule......

The the 48 hour rule......

Breathe.........

Pray........

((((((((hugs))))))))

[Jeff3]

Trapt

I will hang on for now. I am just cleaning the house because there will be tons of girls over in the morning getting their hair done for the wedding. I still have a hard time stomaching the fact she will be giving her sister advice when she is doing what she is doing. I can't in my wildest dreams imagine myself cheating because I took my vows seriously.

Funny thing is that this is my second marriage and my first wife cheated on me too! I guess I keep picking the same type of woman. Yikes! She told me what I wanted to hear and I thought I was set for life!

Standing By,
Jeff

[Jeff3]

Thanks everyone for the words of advice I will do my best to breathe and relax!

[brandnewday]

You are travelling on an amazingly hard journey, and you really will get through this.... I promise!

None of us know how anything on this road of MLCBS will end, but I assure you, we all end up to be better versions of ourselves at the end of it.

We make those changes and we work on ourselves and we learn what is really important and what really matters.

We pick our battles wisely and we choose which hill we want to die on.

Hang in there buddy, you will really be better then OK.

((((((((hugs))))))))

[fisherman]

Jeff,

Sit down and breathe thats all you need to worry about at the moment ok. What I'm gonna tell you, you may not want to hear, but Here it goes. First of all welcome to mlc. This sucks!! I know. IMHO 95% of true mlc'ers have a pa. Maybe more. Sorry dude. Please remember you will NEVER be given more than you can handle, NEVER. NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!!

We all have a choice as to what we share on the board ok. Everyone's choice is different. Some share all some don't. I know EXACTLY how you feel ok. I think you catch my drift.

First of all DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING right now. Your mind is racing, your heart is breaking. This is consuming you, and it will for a time.It's normal Jeff. WE will get through this, We, and I don't just mean me and you. I'm a believer Jeff and thats all that matters. Many people have felt what your feeling right now.(me included) If you won the lottery tonight, you will still be thinking about this crap. IT IS NOT gonna go away soon. I'm so sorry.

You need to find strength like never before, don't worry, I'm sending you every thing I got and so is the BIG MAN UPSTAIRS. Others on the board will come.

You need to go somewhere peaceful. Silence your mind, Close your eyes. Jeff: question: Can you accept this? Can you forgive and forget? THINK IT THROUGH. Be honest with your self. YOU are the only one that knows. I will never judge you friend.

You feel out of control. You control Jeff, thats all that matters.
Either path you take is ok. How much are you willing to give right now? Expect nothing in return for you won't get it at the moment. "God's love" my friend, that is what your being taught. If you say enough is enough you are released JEFF. She broke the vow, not you. You can move on. Although God forgives everyone if they ask for it. Does JEFF?

Take your time, If I had it to do all over again. I would be very careful who I shared this with. Her parents WILL support her, nothing personal. They have to. Don't go to them. Go to this board. You can confront her, don't get me wrong. Be prepared though, if you draw a line, there is no going back. It's time to find Jeff! Dig deep! I'm behind you 100%.

What ever you decide, I'm with you. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. Take your time, This is YOUR choice!!

It can go either way, nothing is guaranteed. You must do or do not there is no trying here bud. You have to let go of her.

Think it through, YOU and only You. if you need anything I will be here. Take your time ok. You can ask me anything...
but its your choice. Trust yourself friend. I will be praying and you will be ok. ACT AS IF, ACT AS IF, ACT AS IF. Find the real Jeff. Someone thinks your a lot stronger than you do right now. BELIEVE IT!!!

I am with you, and so are a whole lot of others.
Sorry for not getting back sooner. I am feeling your pain.

WE will get through this.

T

[fisherman]

CRY Jeff, Dont do it anywhere near her, but do cry. Get it all out. All of it!! When your done your done!! Forward Buddy. I don't care how much. Forward! WE will get through this, WE.
Believe in Jeff!!! I sure as hell do!!!

[fisherman]

Hey, I am still here partner. I hope like hell your sleeping. Got the feeling you might not be. This WILL pass my friend. Like it or not you are exactly where you need to be.

Never ask why. You must trust that you are growing. Four months from now you won't even know who you WERE. Never mind that now though. You take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one second at a time.

One foot in front of the other. Listen I know who you are. You are a strong, caring, Kind, grown man,( You found this place and posted) I know your upside down right now.

I posted a little something on waiting till the time is right. Read it!! Never let fear keep you from anything (ask for help when you need it). You WILL receive it.

Please be patient.... This is on someone else's time ^^^^^^^
keep looking up. This may be the last thing you want to hear, but you have to let it all go. (not gonna happen overnight). Patience x 10000000.

You know what your doing tomorrow? Your going to the wedding and acting as if like never before, and when the day is done. You come back here and let it out, ALL of it.

Jeff.... I know who you are going to be!!

T

[Dawn of Hope]

I will have to read your thread, right now I am running around getting ready for a wedding! Just curious have you told anyone else? Her mother and I are close and chat. I have mentioned that I am sure she is having an affair, before I found the e-mail. The whole family knows that she was hanging out with the older guy and are disgusted My F in Law and B in Law wanted to go over to his house and have a word with him but I told them that it would push my W away. At the time it was only emotional and I sometimes wish they went over because it may have stopped the PA.

I feel frusterated like you and I can't stand thinking about her with him!!! I don't have any kids so I wonder if it is all worth it I still love her but I don't love who she has become! Knowing what I know now it is hard to be upbeat when I talk to her I just want to scream! How do you deal with it?

Jeff,
I would be pleased to have you read my threads (I'm on my second one now). Better make a pot of coffee first; I don't do "succinct" very well!

To answer your questions as briefly as is possible for me(!), since it is 5:30 a.m. and I am really overdue for bed after a stressful evening (I'll be posting to my thread about it before I turn in): I have told a bunch of people about this--my immediate family (mother and brother) know about it. I also talked to H's sister, which I wouldn't have done ordinarily except that she went through similar experiences with her first H. I talked to people about this because I was in too much pain to hold it in, but if I could do it over again, I wouldn't tell anyone except a few very close friends who I knew would be loyal to me, although I would probably hint at it with my family. I do NOT recommend telling family, especially hers--it forces them to choose sides, and they will usually go with blood. My H's sister told my H about things I had told her that she had promised to keep to herself. So...I won't be confiding in her again.

I don't have any kids either. I am, nevertheless, in this for the long haul. I love my H, but I don't like him much (or feel very romantic towards him). This is the kind of love that can endure anything--agape love. It is an act of will rather than a feeling.

I deal with it by: prayer, talking to people I can trust; and good antidepressants. I know how impossibly hard it is to put on that happy face for your unfaithful S when you are dying inside, but you have to tap into resources you never knew you had. This experience WILL change you; it's up to you to make the changes for the better.

Okay, this is as much as I can manage before I fall on my face with exhaustion. I hope this helps some, and I'll check back in with you later.

Peace,
Dawn

[kelaaron]

I haven't posted to you before but I do agree with everyone. Say nothing. You have to work this through yourself and saying something will do only a few bad things. It will cause confrontation. Will make YOU look like the bad guy to her. Won't allow her to make a choice that will satisfy either of you.

I haven't talked to family much either, except my mother. She is very non committal to anything and she doesn't give a lot of advice except "I can't tell you what to do". It has helped a little cuz I was able to finally learn about what she went through when she decided to D my father but that is another story.

Use this place. The friends you will make here. Vent your feelings, frustration, and confusion here. People will help when they think you need it and they will give advice that you can consider. They will also make you laugh, cry, get angry, and realize that you are not alone.

[Jeff3]

Thanks everyone I will take your advice. I have said a prayer for you all as well! I can't get into posting right now but will update everyone once the wedding mayhem is done!

Cheers Jeff