MC - My H is like you and he has definitely deteached. Can I get him back from this place. He is like you. Hurt.
Max, he might be like me and detached and hurt. Can you get him back? I don't know if I really know the answer.
The biggest difference in our sitches is that my W is a serial cheater, liar, and fake most times. I really believe that she has a PD. Another difference is that I had my head in the sand, was in denial for so long as to what was going on; that I was fogged in from reality. I wanted to keep my M so bad that I overlooked a lot of stuff. It wasn't until I realized that my fear of losing her was unjustified due to the relief and happiness that I feel now.
But for giggles let's assume that this was her first time cheating and I am hurt by it; because I am. Getting me back at this point is going to take a lot of patience because I'm skeptical about her motives. Does she want back because I'm second choice? Does she have no other option?
If she had cheated with my best friend, who is within our circle of friends I don't know if I could face them all and act normal if I knew that any of them knew. This may be what he's dealing with. If some of them knew, would they pressure me to "be a man" and throw that woman to the curb? I get some of that now, but most know that I'm not willing to do that yet.
Here's another rub, you're trying to DB from your side to win your H back. I'm trying to DB from my side to win back a cheating W. So what I would need from my W might be different from what you need to provide to your H. Confusing, I know. this is stream of consciousness so forgive me.
to answer your question wholly, I need to find out if I'm happier without my W before I could consider going back to her. In all honesty that's where I'm at. I really don't want to throw my M away; but with all the crap I've been through, I need a break. Does your H feel the same way? Maybe. He will need to sift through all of his feelings and make a determination. Make no mistake, he's knows that you are sorry for what you've done. He knows that you want to keep the marriage. he may be entering into a MLC of his own. Once he thinks he's figured it out; you'll know. Patience is the key here. Each time you take his temperature, you muddy his feelings and it extends the time it will take to reach a resolution.
He will need to see a stronger Max and a happier Max. If he sees that you are fine living without him; he may very well start coming back around. Of course, he may well think that you have someone else. If it stirs him to anger, you will at least proven that his feelings are still there. My W can't stir me to anger right now; because I don't care what she does. If she were to come to me like you are and come on strong about it; I would think she is lying still. That the only reason she would want me back is because she can't find what she's looking for out there. If my W comes back and honestly tries, it will be a slow, arduous process to prove by her actions that she wants back.
Time is your ally. Have patience. Get Max a life. Try some new friends. Take that trip.
Max I hope I haven't confused you. I want to help so much. I can feel you screaming through my internet connection. If you need further clarification on my rambling here, just ask.
