Actually parts of it were. It was toward the end of the day that I screwed up.
My W spent the entire day with my son and I. She said she had hoped to be able to fill out a job application online while he was with me, but I think that was probably code for talk to the OM.
At any rate, I tried to keep things light. We talked about sort of daily stuff. She took me to show me her new apartment. Told me about some jobs she had applied for and about a couple of interviews. Still didn't ask about my life though. When will I get it through my thick skull she doesn't care about me?
I was fine until I made the mistake of taking her to sign the lease on her new apartment. The finality of it all just hit me and I went into "let's talk about our future" mode.
I need some serious help with GAL. I need to find other things to concentrate on, but right now I still can't even concentrate at work. I still have a strong desire to run away from here and her, but I know that would also mean running away from my son.
She suggested that I move closer to them, so the drive wouldn't be so bad and I could see my son more often. The thing that scares me about that is I know I would want to see her everyday.
It was so painful listening to her make plans for the future and knowing that I'm not included in those plans.
I'm feeling sorry for myself I know. I need a concrete plan that I can stick to.
I hope my upcoming IC session on Thursday will help.
My W did talk briefly about our R, she said she wasn't ready to talk about it and that once we both go through IC we might find that we aren't able to love each other. And that she was scared she hadn't shown me all parts of her.
AGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm losing it.
Me 43: Her 34 M 08/22/2005 Son born 12/31/2006 Suspicion of EA 10/10/2008 EA confirmed 10/11/2008 WAW 10/13/2008
I finally finished up moving last night. It only took me 3 days longer than I had anticipated.
Now comes the real work, sorting out my life.
I'm generally a person who is pretty sure of himself, so I'm struggling extra hard with my emotions being so up and down at the moment. One minute I hate her, the next I'm down again because I miss her so much. Logic has always been one of my strengths, but it seems to be of no use to me right now.
I can't bring myself to even dislike this woman. Yes, she did some horrible things, and I sometimes dwell on those, but at the end of those thoughts I realize that for most part I'm indifferent toward the things she's done. At the same time I find myself searching for her ulterior motive in everything we've done together over the past year.
I expected to feel sad or depressed when I left our old apartment for the last time, but I didn't. I really didn't feel anything. It was the only "home" I have known since moving here almost two years ago. All of my memories of this place are with her and the baby.
How long do I wait? I know every situation is different, but I wish I had some general idea.
I actually got to read quite a bit of DR last night, but I'm not sure how much sank in. I think tonight will be an "off" night. No moving, no sorting, no thinking. Maybe just a glass of wine and DR to keep me company.
I have another IC session on Thursday, maybe my head shrinker will be able to help me come up with something to keep my mind from wandering the way it does and allow me to concentrate again.
I hope everyone else is faring better at the moment than I am.
Dash
Me 43: Her 34 M 08/22/2005 Son born 12/31/2006 Suspicion of EA 10/10/2008 EA confirmed 10/11/2008 WAW 10/13/2008
All of this is so new to you and you are very raw. If you take my situation it has been a little over 2 years since I found out about the affair. There are still some sore spots but mostly I have put my life with him on a shelf and I try really hard not to look at it.
I think you should have set times that you have your son with you. they may be a couple of days during the week or every other weekend. Something that keeps you involved on a set and regular schedule. You do need to reconnect with friends, do hobbies that you did before you got married or something you gave up because she didin't like it. Go out to movies or dinner with a friend or group of friends once a week or so.
It seems so simple but does wonders for your spirit. I wouldn't say your wife doesn't think about you. right now she is trying to convince herself that she is doing the right thing...she knows she is not. I think it will make a difference to her when she sees your life starting to come to order.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I haven't heard from the WAW since I left her on Saturday. I'm getting antsy. I emailed her on Monday morning to let her know I would be there on Saturday to see my son. It's hard only seeing him once a week and most of that time is spent in the car or at her parents' place, I don't feel like I'm really spending any time with him at all.
How do you keep the thoughts of them and the OM out of your mind? Or that she's maybe even cheating on him with someone else? I know the stop sign technique but I have to admit it doesn't seem to help me much.
It's been nearly a month now, when does it get better? I keep reading books and forums and stuff and for a while it seems better then those thoughts come creeping in.
I don't want to seem needy to her, and I don't want to seem desperate but why can't a WAS see the pain they cause? I know, it's the fog. When does that go away if ever?
I need to learn patience and I need to GAL, it just seems so hard to do.
Dash
Me 43: Her 34 M 08/22/2005 Son born 12/31/2006 Suspicion of EA 10/10/2008 EA confirmed 10/11/2008 WAW 10/13/2008
I have a question that I need some help with here.
As I mentioned, she has a new apartment. When I go on Saturday to pick up my son, should I take her a housewarming gift?
A long time ago when we still had good conversations, she had mentioned a tradition of wine and bread when someone moves into a new place and since I know what kind of breads and wines she likes I was thinking that would be a nice gift. Sort of shows that I actually did listen (some times) when she talked to me.
Is this a bad idea? Does it send the wrong message?
Advice?
Dash
Me 43: Her 34 M 08/22/2005 Son born 12/31/2006 Suspicion of EA 10/10/2008 EA confirmed 10/11/2008 WAW 10/13/2008
If this was a friend, of course you would do that, but a cheating spouse?? No Way. Why reward a cheater for moving out? Don't do it. Your heart is in the right place but her actions are not.
Sorry, I know that is not what you wanted to hear.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I agree with Kat!!!! DOn't bring a gift to celebrate her leaving you. Definitely not.
One thing that may help with thoughts is to dedicate a certain time for thinking about your W, OM, whatever. But only for that certain half hour/hour are you allowed to think about it. SO, when you start during the day, stop yourself and think "I will think about that at 7:00 (or whenever you decide). It will help you focus on other things and get needed things accomplished.
