What is she "missing" about you exactly. If you feel its valid then honor it. Don't go overboard with it all at once. just kinda ease into it. I would be very vague to those types of questions she asks. Don't show her you hand.
In my case I refused to move out when it came to it. I pray it doesn't come to that for you. Even if it does, you WILL be ok and you can keep working on you. Thats one of the things I stood very firm on though.
Thanks for the support, I just received a bomb I have to go to a wedding this weekend and things have been good. We have been getting along, I was just at my mothers out of town to see her in the hospital (she is having a hip replaced and is doing well, I get home to check my e-mail and found her e-mail open. I broke one of my rules not to spy, but I couldn't resist for some reason. I checked the sent messages and found one to her older friend she is 32 he is 54. I have been suspecting and affair over the summer and just got confirmation. The e-mail contained romantic and sexual stuff and I wish I didn't read it now.
I was hoping to have a good time at the wedding and now knowing that I don't know. I guess I will go for me and not hoping anymore for her. I feel angry because she is being upbeat and we have been gettting along great, all the time she is lying to me saying she isn't with anyone. In her own mind she believes we are already separated, but I haven't had a chance because she has been getting closer to him all summer. I feel like a confrontation right now but that wouldn't be fair to her sister as she is getting married and I dont't want to ruin that. My W is the maid of honor and is giving a speech about commitment( what a joke)!
How can she be so nice to me and be sleeping with this other guy. She wants to stay living in the same house with me so she can save up money. She is spending her money and is now stresses because she doesn't have any. Now I am going to make sure I don't help her finacially and I feel betrayed and am not sure if I can continue.I want to confront the OM too but I know at this stage it is not helpful (he must have the morals of a fly) His wife of 32 years died a year and a half ago I am sure she would be proud!!!
I needed to vent
Jeff
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
Quick Question? I was thinking about confronting her next week but in a calm way. I feel like I am being used for my money I feel like I need to keep it real and not let her get a free ride because she is lying to me and her family. I emphasise the fact I will keep it calm I just want her to know that I know about it and I don't want to play games!
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
Jeff, I feel for you. I had almost the exact same experience with finding my H's e-mail left open by accident, and not being able to resist snooping, and finding proof of a PA that I had strongly suspected but was hoping was all smoke and no fire. Yes, it is very painful to read their erotic e-mails to each other. The only difference is that H caught me reading his e-mail, although he wouldn't have known which messages I looked at (there were tons of them--the EA had been going on almost a year at this point, although the PA was considerably more recent).
I would wait on confrontation if I were in your position. (My H and I have never discussed his PA and I don't even think he is aware that I know about it for sure.) This is like squeezing the toothpaste tube--very difficult to reverse. If you approach it badly, things will be said that you can't erase, and it will be a lot more work to recover.
You may decide to confront her later, but wait a while, until you can decide on a course of action without your emotions skewing your logic compass. When in doubt, do nothing, except to seek and wait for answers from whatever you consider your higher power (or your subconscious, if you prefer).
In the meantime, breathe through the pain until it lessens, and find healthy ways to relieve the stress.
Peace and blessings, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
Thanks for the incite I have been praying every day. I know keeping a positve attitude has helped me and certainly GAL has given me my mental health. I guess we are all in this together.
Cheers, Jeff
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
I will have to read your thread, right now I am running around getting ready for a wedding! Just curious have you told anyone else? Her mother and I are close and chat. I have mentioned that I am sure she is having an affair, before I found the e-mail. The whole family knows that she was hanging out with the older guy and are disgusted My F in Law and B in Law wanted to go over to his house and have a word with him but I told them that it would push my W away. At the time it was only emotional and I sometimes wish they went over because it may have stopped the PA.
I feel frusterated like you and I can't stand thinking about her with him!!! I don't have any kids so I wonder if it is all worth it I still love her but I don't love who she has become! Knowing what I know now it is hard to be upbeat when I talk to her I just want to scream! How do you deal with it?
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
Listen very very carefully, I must be short. Family is here now. Can't talk. I WILL post you again tonight.I promise. DO NOT SAY OR DO ANYTHING YET. DO NOT!! YOU and only YOU have some thinking to do and some questions to ask yourself. DO NOT mention this to in-laws, I dont care how close you THINK you are to them. PLEASE trust me. Absolutely NO moves for a couple of days at the very least. "AS IF" until I post you again tonight. Please trust me.
I'M very sorry Jeff, I am here for you. I will post tonight ok. Just take a deep breath and relax as much as you can. We need to talk. See you in a bit. It happens almost all the time in MLC.It's almost a given. Many have survived. DO NOTHING BUT RELAX as best you can. talk soon.
