Step Number 1 - Start with a Beginner's Mind

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I am really trying to Start With A Beginners Mind. I have a hard time because I continue to
revert back to my old ways. I get very frustrated with myself and can see that my H is also
frustrated. I'm sure he's thinking, I'll never change. An example, my dad died this last week
My H and he were very close. I know that my H is hurting, he is feeling bad because he did not go to seee my dad in the hosp., so I try to
comfort him by saying that he can make it up to my dad in other ways (meaning we can get back together)
after saying that I knew that I should not have. But what he needed was for me to just llisten.
I would liked to have hugged him, but I am afraid because he will think I'm chasing. I want to go back to when we just met. and start over, but how do you do that when you the history?
I could see that my H was thinking, but what about? He said he feels guuilty by breaking up the families
so was he just feeling more guilt, or was he thinking that maybe we could work things out? I don't dare ask.
Julie

Hi Julie....I'm so sorry to hear about your father. It's tough. You're grieving, your H is grieving.....give yourself a break.

Just be gentle...with yourself and with your H. Don't try to force anything either way or suggest too much. Trust you will be in the right place at the right time. That you are so now.....that whatever space you have between you.....you can use for your own grieving and your own healing.

You need to be comforted, and you want to comfort him....that's just too tough right now. I am sorry you are going through that. Just take comfort in all the love you've had from your father, your H, all yoru family and friends...........that doesn't ever really go away. Look at all the love you have in your heart. Just remember all those things.

It's so good and kind of you to love him and want to care for him and his pain.


Just back way off from asking him. If he isn't in a space where he can respond the way you want him too, it might be way to painful for you, and doesn't really need to be descriptive of the future.

Give yourself time. and gentleness. and kindness.....you deserve it.


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