just got back from a movie (Vicky Christina Barcelona, Woody Alen's, talking about free spirits and settling etc etc).
On my way to the movie theater I talked to stbxH. I think during our convo I asked him most of Bill's questions. I repeated myself about what I want, was very clear, tried not to accuse him about the past and let it all out.
He was nice, wanted to talk and said that: he loves me he wants the same kind of relationship I want he would never come back if he thought it isnt possible just as I tell him and show him I changed, I have to let him show me how he changed work is for him also what brought us here and he has realised our R should be top priority and work follows he cant understand why I am so negative, if love and understanding exists we will make it work he is willing to talk about everything until I am satisfied he want us to go through everything and then leave the bad things behind us and take the good things with us his goal is to make this one year a milestone for us that will lead us to the best R possible he wants to do the work, he is aware it will be hard I need to tell him I am willing to try to allow him some room to act he doesnt want to tell the kids anything either nor disrupt their routine until we both feel its safe he needs from me to give him some credit and watch him and not assume and many more things. So, I am probably telling him we are trying this weekend, away from the kids, and see how it goes.
I did ask him what has changed since he moved out. He said "we both have changed, speaking for myself I got my priorities and head straight, I know what I want. I know you are scared and cold but I'll prove to you if you let this will be great, I am prepared it is going to be difficult but I am putting the effort"
I asked him about his work. He said he cant change that but he has thought of some practical ways to have time together like take days off in the middle of the week just for the two of us, show me when he IS at home his love, make me feel loved when he is away..." And his plan is to change his schedule as soon as possible.
Knowing the man I married, he is honest. I know he will try all these things.
Deb, we have no record of cheating, abuse of any kind and for a DAM he has been fairly reasonable through this year (with some excemptions). Despite of the fact that I feel he is weak he is a good man.
So, I am going ahead keeping all your advice in mind. I am not going to settle. I promise. Thank you, this has been a weird year for me... Love xxx K
PS I will check on everyone tomorrow, it's my kids free weekend.
