Quote: How SURE are you about things that are going to happen?
I'm sure only about what I want and what I can make happen; and I don't want a D, and so far neither does my H. So we will have to build from there. We are friendly and don't fight, so I think we can become friends now. Only I can work on me . H still has OW, but I don't dwell on that part as she was part of what he was looking for to replace an emotional need.
Quote: How much do you rely on the past, and the present, to predict the future? Especially about the "negative" things?
Well, I was rely a lot on the past, but in the last 4 days I've decided to not do that; trying to open my mind as much as I can. Negative things? Bury those nasty things, starting fresh with a clean slate. The future is not ours to see.
Quote: How would you see the situation you're in from an outsider's point of view? What if you were a third-party looking at the events that are going on in your life? How might you see things differently?
OK, I have been assuming to much lately and trying to figure out what my H is thinking. So let's change that. I have only been seing the negative in the way my H reacts to things. So I would say to me: work on building a friendship with H, look for the little steps and rejoice in them. Compliment H, show appreciation for things H does. Learn to forgive myself and H for his infidelity. Be patient. Listen and have compassion. I have stopped the nagging, and it's great, I feel like a better person. And it allows my H to grow.
Quote: If there was no past history to taint your views of the possibilities of things that could happen in the future, what might things look like?
It would be a new beginning, knowing that all M have their ups and downs, accepting them.Choose my battles wisely. Learn to know what it takes for my spouse to feel loved. Learn to give even though I may not understand or agree with it. Spend more time together. Forgive each other and not put the blame on either one of us apologise when I'm wrong, be generous and giving.
Quote: If you were to put aside the "fact" that everything your partner is doing is meant to hurt you, what other possible explanations for some of their individual behaviors might you be able to come up with?
MLC, thinks he is getting old and me and the family are holding him back. 1) H taking things from property-this is a major problem as I think of it as negative-H moving on- positive-H is mowing down tall weeds and getting rid of the clutter. 2) H not paying bills- maybe he doesn't have enough money. 3) H not calling-doesn't want to bother me? 4) H not coming over very much-giving me space 5) H not wanting to spend time doing thing together-doesn't think we have a chance to fix our M?
Quote: What areas of your relationship might it be helpful to "take off your blinders", and see things from a different perspective?
How my H feels about me.
Quote: What does that dot that the teacher drew on the blackboard represent to you?!
A light shining, hope.
Quote: What would your answer be to the "miracle question"? Your answer to how things COULD be, instead of the way that they are?
My H and I forgiving each other and ourselves. Building a new life together, better and stronger. Being there for each other. Sharing our lives together. Being a family. Giving to each other what each of us needs. Being the best of friends.
Ok, that took a lot out of me, I need a nap now. Deb
