Surrendering to hope

[Separated]

Wooo Hooo!!! Good for ending the convo first....I have to work on that too.

He probably is tired and that is why he is not online. You'll see him in just a little while more

[istherehope]

OK,

Saw him online, and he said "hi", to which I responded the same, and haven't heard another peep in the last 2 hours--which is fine with me.

I don't want to be so nervous, but I suppose I'm pretty nervous about going home tonight, and will be leaving in about 10 minutes...

I just went to have a beer at our Friday sponsored drinks, and saw all of these people dressed up in costume, and was just thinking about how I want my routine and my life back. I really hope tonight will be as good as I feel it could be. I think I will stop off for a bottle of wine on the way home in case there is a chance to either celebrate or a need to get drunk!

Also wanted to let everyone know that MLC friend and I IM on a daily basis about out sitches. I keep telling him that he should just reach out to his ex. Today he told me that she told him someone wrote a poem about her. He actually told me that words could never describe her beauty, and how ridiculous it was that some monosyllabic idiot would even try. On behalf of all of us, I am trying to help him see the light here since he so clearly wants her back...He will be home for Christmas, and I have really suggested that he make a move before it's too late...It's really interesting to see this all from the other side.

OK please wish me luck tonight. I am feeling both really hopeful and a little bit anxious, but I want to focus on the positives...

ITH

[Separated]

Good Luck!!!!!!! Just keep up the postive thoughts and you should be good.

[istherehope]

Thanks Sep:)

And just before I left he IMd me that we need more candy. I said fine and that I needed to get going, so twice now I've ended a convo...

This whole Halloween thing really seems to be getting to him!

Anyway thanks for the good vibes-will stay positive and knowing me will post more tonight.

ITH

[Separated]

Have fun with the trick or treaters!!! And Positive Thoughts are going out to you!!!

[istherehope]

Hmm,

May not mean anything major but the picture of us is out again, AND the DB book I'd left around has clearly been moved. That is, he'd turned it so that the title wasn't showing on our bookshelf last week. Now it's turned back...

We're just watching a dumb movie, no serious talk, and drinking a little wine. We didn't hug or anything, and aren't even sitting right next to each other. However it's sort of different, not sure how. It's like he's pondering things. Don't know how to explain it...

I guess I'll just go with the flow for the moment. Was just pretty surprised by the DB book; wonder if he read any of it...

ITH

[AliSuddenly]

Good luck ITH... hope your evening is going smoothly.. thats vERY interesting about the picture of you two being back, yay to that ! Thats surely major !???

Ali x

[daisy282]

Hey ITH

Sounds like things are shifting. That's good. Just keep up the PMA and avoid R talks as much as possible. I know it is tempting and my example is not to be followed here but it really is for the best to just keep it light and work on building that foundation of friendship before trying to "figure things out" just yet. I know it's hard but you can do it. You are so strong and making great progress on a personal level. It's all going to be worth it in the end, with him or without him. Remember that always.

Good luck tonight! We're all here cheering for you!

[istherehope]

Thanks Daisy and Ali,

So nothing happened last night after I posted. We went to bed, no ML or anything, no affection. There were a few times during the night where we were sort of touching, but nothing much. This morning he did grab my nose (this is nice physical affection), and we joked around. I guess I am just worried now that one of his issues was that we had no intimacy and didn't talk about anything real, that all of this light banter may not be what he is looking for...

Also now he is leaving for a business trip again tomorrow, so we are not going to the outlet mall like planned. Now we have no plans for the day, and he is going to work on his assignment for class. I am not sure whether I should suggest anything to do, or what in general I should do. There is a movie that I know he wants to see, so maybe if I bring up that movie specifically, he will be into it.

Ali--yes the picture thing seems pretty major to me actually. The DB book is just intriguing...

Daisy, thanks for the nice words of encouragement. I can keep avoiding R talks as long as H can!

OK off to Starbucks to pick up some coffee...

ITH

[istherehope]

Alright journaling again from my Blackberry while out on a long walk. There is this coastal walk I am doing that will hopefully last about 2 hours.

Now H has mentioned the outlet mall again, for me he says, and he might want to go in 2 hours.I asked him if he felt pressured to go, and he said no, so I said as long as this was the case, I'd love to go.I think he feels better when there are actually things he can do for me. He mentioned whether my friend is still going on vacation again. I nearly panicked but just talked about where she was going instead. We ate lunch in the house together with light chitchat about the pets. He's been fairly distant, but did sort of poke at me once in the kitchen affectionately. I kissed his cheek in return (I know-not supposed to do this).Just trying really hard to strike the balance between not seeming needy and still somehow spending quality time with him. He leaves tomorrow, and returns Wednesday I believe...

It's all very weird. I'm hoping for a clearly positive sign tonight!

ITH