DQ~ I am so happy you have been with me thru this and I need to tell you that I am going to get better. I am .
And he as broken as he is is really trying.
When he filled out the questionare my eyes were opened to the pain he is in,,, I hope this was the straw that broke the camels back.
And me?
I have a place in heaven.
I am going to post what another wise woman wrote to me so you can understand a little better....
Quote:

One of the MANY things that is so crazy-making about living with an alcoholic is the way you watch them carefully without trying to seem like you're watching them carefully. You notice EVERYTHING... are they slurring, how do they smell? When I would go to bed first (most of the time) and leave my bf up drinking, I'd wake up in the middle of the night to pee and check the refrigerator to see if he had gone through two six-packs or only one. Ugh!

Alanon will help you to stop obsessing so much about his every move. You probably won't be able to stop obsessing, but it will help your sanity if you can cut down. The fact is, you don't know yet if you can trust him. He has betrayed your trust many times. It would be naive of you to immediately believe everything he says. Unfortunately, you're on shifting sands right now and you need to find a solid place to stand on that he cannot undermine. You need a ROCK to plant yourself on. You know where I'm gonna tell you to find that rock.

One reason why you can't dump your perfectly justifiable anxiety on him is that he has enough on his plate without you needing him to fix you and make you feel better. If he does do stuff to make you feel better, all well and good. But he cannot spare the emotional currency to do that. He needs all of his wits about him to keep sober without having to worry about you.

Another thing is that if you are anxious and hovering over him, then if he does fall off the wagon, he can blame you in some way. "If you hadn't had me under a microscope, I could have kept sober, but you were always checking up on me!"

This is why you must take care of your own mental/emotional health and you do not have to abandon him or be unsupportive to do that. (I think I've covered my pov on THAT topic enough times. )

ETA: You're NOT being irrational! He has given you plenty of reasons in the past to doubt him. GO TO A MEETING! Get yourself a sponsor, so that when you have questions like this, you have someone to call (NOT your girlfriends!). Don't just hang there and twist in the wind all by yourself. And you can't depend on him right now to give you straight answers.


She makes sense , and she has helped me heal and grow in a way that I can never repay her, nor can my Husband or my kids, I am growing up and finding hope and solutions....
She is wise and she and the others there have allowed me to see that I can be on my pity pot but it wont get me anywhere. That I need to find solutions and see that he is Human too.
Love you Dq~
~Ava