Sounds like you are really getting out & enjoying yourself. I know what you mean about thinking about H every day & wishing you had the old one back. I do the same thing!
All we can do now is take care of ourselves & keep praying they will come to their senses!!
Thank you for checking on me & thinking about me. I think about you also & say a prayer for all my cyber friends.
Hi nlt, Thanks for visiting. Yes, I am trying to keep up my GAL. Thanks for thinking about me and your prayers for all of us.
I received an e-mail from H asking me again to deal with the property sale. When I wrote that he needs to do it and be there, he sent me several nasty e-mails. I wrote back that he should stop being nasty and that I will not tolerate any verbal abuse anymore.- I am really fed up with him and getting so tired of it all.
I still cannot understand (and I guess I never will) that he became such a different and horrible person. He is in his angry phase again. I guess he is still unhappy. I really wonder if he will ever get his old self again! I cannot see it in the near future.
I had a lovely week-end. On Saturday evening I went "dancing" with a friend, but nobody wanted to dance with us. So we went home early. On Sunday I met another friend and we went for a long walk on the water front. It was a very sunny and warm day and we enjoyed the scenery. Today was another beautiful afternoon and I went for a walk as well.
I'm proud that you told your H that you would not tolerate his abuse anymore!! I also think you did the right thing by letting him know that if he wants this sale then he is going to have to take care of it. That is one thing that my H did, he wanted to sale the house & he started taking care of a bunch of things. He wanted me to pick out the real estate agent, but that was his game to let me pick someone I wanted. He thought I would go along with things then, but my lawyer put a stop to that. I truely believe that if he would not have rushed things so much we would not be where we are now. My ex SIL told me the OW rushed him while he was still vulnerable.
Sounds like you had a very nice weekend!! I hope you have a wonderful week!
Hi nlt, Thanks for checking in on me and your kind words and you wishes. I did have a good week, thanks.
I got two apologies from H and he also told me that he does not blame me for everything, just for most things! So I wrote back that I am glad that he blames me for having such a good and happy life etc., etc. - LOL. I have not heard from him since.
H also wrote that he has been ill for quite some time and felt low. That's why he was so angry.
I am doing quite alright. The weather has been super and I am enjoying the sunny days. I also went to a comedy with a friend and met some friends on different days. Tomorrow I am going to a jazz concert with my sister.
I have had quite a nice week despite winter arriving really early and heavily. But it is supposed to get mild again.
The jazz concert I went to with my sister was very good and we both enjoyed it a lot. Yesterday I went to the theatre. To start with there was a guided tour through the theatre and afterwards an introduction to the play. I also stayed for the play since I was already there, which was mediocre.
On week-ends H tends to write to me, and so I received an e-mail from him. He wrote that he is proceeding with the D.
He finally went to see a doctor and they found out what is wrong with him.
Further he wrote that he was thinking of me recently. That he really loved me so much that he would have gone through hell for me. But then things change and life moves on. He wishes me well despite my financial requests. He wishes me well for the many years he loved me and try not to think about it all going wrong. I don't know what I should reply. I would like to tell him that we both are to blame and that he should once look back at his behaviour which made me dislike him a lot. That the piece of paper will not change anything in our hearts and that I will never stop loving him.
But is there any point to it all??
Or should I just write: I agree with you that it is the best for both of us to get a D.
YR, You made it through to the other side. Did you ever say anything like the above to your H or did you continue to say: I am sorry you feel this way.
BND, Your H is a similar kind of person. What do you think I should do?
I have no choice but to agree to the D. I told H that if he thinks it will make him happy I will agree to a D under certain conditions.
I would appreciate your comments.
Snodderly, if you are reading this, I would appreciate your comment as well. - Have a lovely week-end.
A GF called me and she will come to my place. We will go for a walk despite the clouds and cold. In the evening we might go dancing. I don't really feel cheerful after finding out that H is proceeding with the D, although I expected him to continue with it. However, I am happy she is coming so I will have some company and other thoughts. She does not know much about my sitch and I don't intent to tell her either.
True, Your h continues to push forward for a d but doesn't do anything about it. I wouldn't help him. He's hoping that by what he wrote that you will give him what he wants and do all of the work.
I would sit on the email for a while and then I would write to him. Here's what I would say:
"H, I'm very sorry you feel the way that you do. If you feel that a divorce is what you want, then you will need to do the filing. However, my financial requests have not changed and will still be part of the divorce settlement."
Wish him well. Keep the email very short and do not discuss that you both were to blame. Do not point out to him again his behavior or how things were/have been. True, you've already done this in the past and he's not listened. Now it is time to be true to thy self. True, let him go for now. Do not waffle on the settlement and do not allow him to play w/your head. You've been nothing but a strong supporter in helping him. You've been a compassionate wife and friend. Now, it's time to set him free. I know it's not what you want, but this man has been playing w/your head for over a year now. Let's put the "monkey" back on his back and allow him to play out his fantasy of divorce.
True, no matter what happens, you are going to be okay. The only thing that I worry about is that you will soften towards his requests for settlement. I, and the other board members, want to make sure you get your settlement requests. You have to protect yourself because this man won't.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
