All that you can't leave behind... (43)

[mishka422]

The reason I am stalling this is that sooner or later, to see if it works, he would have to move in. And when that happens, it will not be easy to separate again and have the kids go through the whole break up sitch again. Does that make sense or am I crazy?

That makes total sense. You want to try because of what it would mean to you and your family for you to have a strong, intact M. You are afraid because of what you know it would do to your children. Trust me, having your H move out and in and out and in again and out one more time.....AWFUL! Not only to you but your kids would feel triple abandoned. It doesn't matter how involved your H stayed in their lives, they would still have abandonment issues. My son is nearly 14 and he gets agitated when I'm away from the house for more than a few hours and he knows I'm not at work. He knows that I am not going anywhere but it's a fear in his subconcious. If you can protect your children from that, please do.

Take everything slowly and rely on your H's actions. Have you told him that you are willing to give this a try through dating him? That would need to be what happens first. He would need to date you, court you, woo you back to him just like he did when you were dating. That would require that he give up some of his working time. If he is not willing to do that then I don't see a chance here. You're going to have to get him to commit to this. I don't know how you go about doing that though. I'm afraid I have ZERO advice where this is concerned. I didn't have an opportunity to tell my STBX that we could date and see where it led because I had to allow him to move back into the house in order for him to come home. That was the only way he was getting away from the broom.

Take the opportunity you have been given Maria. It can't hurt any worse than what you have been through and in the long run you could end up with a strong, intact M.

Could I suggest that if you get your H to agree to date, do not tell your children and don't let him pick you up at the house. Meet him out somewhere. You wouldn't want your children to get their hopes up.