The Realtionship IQ Quiz: #4 - "In healthy marriages, spouses have the same definition of what it means to be loving
The first part of this question is easy for me....everyone is different. We come into every relationship (even friendships) with our family history, life's experiences etc upon which our "view" of the world has been built so as individuals we all have our own personal agendas and hierachy of needs priorities. To me, loving means putting someone else first OR at least second (since I've NOW learned that you can't truly love someone else if you don't love yourself). Love means taking into consideration how everything you do will affect those who love you and self monitoring those decisions and choices in order to protect the ones you love from suffering as a result of them. In the past, I felt my H's love through some very simple things....he use to call me "Pal"...he's beginning to again. To me that nickname said to me, "I love you, you're my best friend." I treasured that. I feel loved when I feel that he's making ME a priority in his life, that hasn't been the case for many years...but he's coming back to that in small baby steps. Now the tough part of your question..."How do you think your partner would define "loving"? What would it mean to them?" I honestly can't answer that right now, I don't know anymore, I'm trying to figure it out. In the past I THOUGHT that telling him I loved him, maintaining a beautiful home, being a good mother, being a full contributing partner financially, keeping my appearance up, was showing him I loved him. But over the years as I grew resentful of his "privacey"....I withdrew my emotional and eventually my physical attachment to him...until we'd become virtual strangers in our own home. Now everything's changed...so I don't know anymore what he'd "need" to feel loved or to trust that I can love him in the way he needs.
