LL,
You said, "As I sat there semi-complaining about things I did take a step back and ask out loud if the things that have happend didn't happen (affair and seperation threat of d etc) would I be happy with the way the r is going now and I couldn't answer or maybe was just afraid to answer what if the answer would still be no? is it even possible to put out the past that completely? so then my question I suppose is how to piece after the initial piecing? when the "pressure" seems to be off the was to "win" you back again is gone and things seem to drift back toward that dangerous comfort zone? what to do with a partner who isn't "active" in the piecing proccess."
WOW....you took the words right out of my mouth. I've been tormenting myself with the same questions, doubts, & fears.
This week, my H is home "testing the waters" to see what it would be like to stay here w/me since we've been getting along so well the past few weeks. It's just a "trial" as we've had a few "sleep overs" the past month or two that have gone well and we've been "dating" regularly and seeing each other quite a bit on my days off (my work schedule is erratic). Well he has stayed over Mon & Tues nite...and it's like sleeping with your 1st cousin....if ya know what I mean. He's restless, he acts as if he'll turn to stone if his foot touches mine etc....I don't know if it's because he's use to sleeping alone after all these months of separation OR if he's unconciously keeping me at a distance even in his sleep. He's "normal" during other times. He is still very skittish if he thinks I'm about to say anything R oriented (which I don't) and it's dawned on me that he hasn't said "I love you" (as he had begun to do) in the past few days....I am DBing and seeing some really positive "baby steps" but, at the same time I'm seeing regression in other areas from him where he is doing more of "his same"....all of which led me back then to withdraw from him. I'm becoming exhausted. I keep asking myself, why am I still working so hard to hold onto a man that thought nothing of destroying me to get his cheap thrills on blueberry hill?
I'm tired of doing all the work. I'm tired of having to treat him w/kid gloves. What if in the end I've wasted even more of my life in the hope that he would wake up.
Is there no end to thier selfishness?
T2