It is the same thing that BBJ's H is doing. Negative thinking: it was bad, therefore it can't change. I wish you and your H could go get the retrouvaille training. Because they explain why it doesn't work if you hold back on the commitment until you feel the love build. Maybe that works in a dating environment, but in marriage you have go for all of it together -- the decisions to love, to forgive, to commit, and to trust. If you don't build the supports, the roof will cave in! Yes, it's dangerous to jump in with both feet. But on the other hand the decision was made years ago. All you have to do now is accept it.
