All that you can't leave behind... (43)

[Bworl]

So what is the grand gesture that he has made to send the loud and clear message that you are once again the center of his universe?

....??

....??


To be fair, I have not gone through a spouse choosing to return to a broken marriage. I am not even sure what wrongs there are that your husband needs to right. I am basing my remarks on a marriage that was all but dead in the water, only to undergo a last minute reprieve.


What bold statement has been made by his actions?

What has changed in the situation?

That is, what is different now from what led you to this point?


If all you have to work on right now is a verbal statement of interest in rekindling the marriage, I think he is coming to the table a bit light.


Shouldn't there be more?


If work, and the associated time away, was one of the bigger issues in the past, wouldn't a repentent husband be particularly aware of the need for changes in that area? Indeed, as you have said, shouldn't there be definitive steps that have been taken to show you that YOU have become number one priority for him again?


I truly believe that every marriage deserves the strongest effort possible in terms of trying to restore the relationship, particularly when children are involved. It was for that reason that I broke off all contact with Deb when her husband expressed a desire to try again.


No calls, no text messages, no email, no myspace. None.


But I left her with a message, and I implored her to hear my words and take them to heart:

Do not settle.


You see, she is wonderful woman, rich in love and the desire to love others. She is a tremendous mother and a faithful friend. She DESERVED to be treated like the woman that she was. She deserved to be cherished and valued. She deserved to be more important than work, than hobbies, than habits.


I don't know you well Kalni. But your friends here have described you as a woman much like my wife.


You should NOT settle for being second...or third...


Your husband KNOWS that it takes more than a desire and words. Every man KNOWS when they have traveled down a path that will require a significant expression of regret, remorse, and recommitment.


Do NOT settle.


You tell him what you expect, what you need. You tell him how you KNOW now what you need in a husband, a life partner. You be as clear as the day with him about this.


And see what he chooses to do.



Blessings,

Bill