Quote:

If there was no past history to taint your views of the possibilities of things that could happen in the future, what might things look like?


well i would not want to delete all the past... just the events of last year up til now & maybe even 2001...

I'd like to go back to when we lived in a big 2 family house in a nice quiet town that was easy on & off to the highway...

We did have our problems then but we seemed to be able to work them out better...

Hubby wasn't making nearly as much money as he is now but we weren't so deeply in debt then either, just poor money management on his part trying to be a big spender one christmas got us evicted from a beautiful apartment that was bigger then some houses...

We use to play video, card & board games together as a family & with others,
we went out on some paydays both in our town & in the capital
& on occasion to the night club so I could go dancing

The goal wasn't to get drunk back in those days, but hubby who has a low tolerance for any kind of alcohol wouldn't think twice about having me drive
& only on a rare occasion would I tell him that I was having a bad day & this was my nite to drink so he's quit after 2 beers... period & those were early so that he'd be sober enuf to drive us home afterwards

I would like for us to get back to that type of home & town again & lifestyle again, ideally it being our own 2 family...

I would like to see us doing things together as a couple with other couples & decent poeple who aren't just looking for a good time mooching...

I'd like to see more huggies
& just more fun in our lives not revolving around drinking like it use to be

I'd like to see us going on the mystery cruise that we always talked of doing with a group of people

& taking the cruise to one of the islands that we spoke of doing with the other set of grandparents

or going camping like I've been wanting to do, but he's not done with me but did do with the drunk bunch

I'd like to see him doing the computer repair that he was suppose to be learning so that he's have an income to fall back on if things didn't work out with the Comcast AT&T merger/buyout
since it is possible that the AT&T employess will be the ones downsized due to his units not going union last year when they had the chance...

I'm not sure if this is what you are looking for but that's what I envision for the ideal future...

I'd like to be able to more honestly & openly speak about our needs both emotional & physically...

I'm tired of feeling that I've got to always censor myself because I know that he's uncomfortable about talking about personal things like sex,
so I've never pressed for details but it in fact has stifled our relationship...

This marriage is over...
I don't even want it anymore...

I want a NEW MARRIAGE with my same Sweet Kinda Cute Guy... I know that he's in there somewhere in the alien bodysnatcher...

I just want to know when do I get a chance to re-meet my hubby & really start over