The Realtionship IQ Quiz: #3 - "In healthy relationships, major disagreements get resolved over time."
I think that my H's and my biggest "disagreement" hasn't yet been resolved. My H is a member of AA and has been for 20 yrs. He has adamantly kept that part of his life solely unto himself. He resents the fact that if I chose to, I could enjoy a cocktail. He dislikes people that drink. Out of respect for my husband's sobriety, I can tell you that if I've had 1 alcoholic beverage for every year he's been sober...it's been a lot. "His" friends are almost exclusively AA people. I am NOT invited to know them, participate in any social connection to them etc. The 2 women he eventually had his A's with were members of AA. So with all that said, in my eyes, our greatest disagreement is that I resent and refuse to accept that he is allowed a "private/secret" AA life and I get what's left. Since the poop hit the fan he has cut back on his AA participation. He still goes to ONE regular weekly meeting but he's stopped going to the four or five he went to when he was setting himself up to cheat. I will never again accept being "ban" from any portion of his life, especially now that he's used the one area of his life that I allowed him far to much 'space' (AA) to betray me. I am no longer able to accept "I don't know" for an answer because I've come to learn (the hard way) that "I don't know" is a way to avoid the truth. As we are now both "trying" to work through our issues I am being patient with respect to not expecting all the negatives to change overnight..since they developed over many, many years. And I know that until my H is willing to tell me what he needs or what he thinks he's been missing in our R...that I won't be able to meet those needs. I can't see in the dark any better than anyone else. I'm always 'open' to self analysis and change...if my H will tell me what he feels I need to 'look at' from his perspective. My H's mantra has always been and in many respects continues to be: "People can't change, they are who they are."
