"You're more likely to divorce if there are differences in your backgrounds, your likes and dislikes, and interests". Thoughts on this illusion?

I think it’s very untrue. I had an ancestor who ordered up a mail order bride from his “old country” by nothing but a picture and brief description. When she got here, it turned out that she was from Sicely, not from his country. Spoke different languages, had distinctly different cultures and religions, but married first, fell in love after, had many children and what is described as a long and happy marraige. I can think of many other examples similar.

I think it is important to have a few areas of mutual interest that can be enjoyed together, but many differences can be accommodated as long as neither partner is being terribly infringed upon.

What are some of the differences between the two of you that you thought were "cute" when you first got together, but you now think are rather "annoying"?! What do you think that their answer to this question might be?

One of the things that first drew me to my partner was that he was dependable and stable. Later on, I got irritated sometimes that he got very routine about things and rather inflexible. At first, I was impressed with the amount of self-insight he had. Later on, I got annoyed that he seemed to be very self-absorbed and self-centered. At first I liked that he thought things out instead of acting first, later I got very annoyed that he procrastinates.

I think that part of what my partner was attracted to is that he liked that I was strong and could be very independent. Later, he got irritated that I didn’t consult with him about everything and would just do things to get them done if he procrastinated too long. I think that he liked that I worked in the legal field, but later grew to resent that I was trained to think in terms of law and the way it relates to placing limits on behavior. At first he liked that I didn’t let things get to me very easily, but later he thought I should be as stressed as he was if the house got messy or the kids acted up, etc.

I guess it’s that you can really like certain characteristics each other has, but each characteristic has a flip side to it as well.

In what ways are you different from your partner? What things might you be able to add to their lives?
I think I am more positive, family-oriented, end-result oriented, creative, emotionally expressive and more realistic than my partner. I think I am less even-keel emotionally, less dependable, less considerate, more forgetful, more jealous and possessive and (somewhat) more controlling than my partner.

I think that he looks to me to help him be less cynical and more emotionally expressive than he normally is. I think my “get-things done” characteristic offsets his tendency to procrastinate, and my creativity and emotional expressiveness offsets his linear way of thinking and tendency to get too set in routines. He tends to be more of a loner than family oriented, and being with me has helped him be more connected to others.

In what ways is your partner different from you? What things might they be able to add to YOUR life?
He is more stable in many ways, knows how to “play”, more likely to think things out before acting, more romantic, more idealistic. He’s less secure and has lower self-esteem, is more likely to avoid problems and conflict, lets things irritate him and hurt his feelings very easily, and is more restless than I am.

He tempers my rashness, challenges me to be more romantic and more considerate, pushes me to go out to play more (not always be so serious) and try new things, go new places. He challenges me a great deal in thinking out how to compromise and negotiate when we both get stubborn. I have to really think about the things I am grateful and express them when H gets too negative.

What are your strengths and your weaknesses? What are their strengths and weaknesses?

I think I covered all that above!

How might the two of you be able to combine your strengths, and come together to make a great relationship, to be a great "team"?

I think I covered most of that too. All I can add is that we are more alike than different, and in most of the ways that we are different, we temper and compliment each other.

What actions could you take if you were to look back at what you were doing in the past, and learn how to appreciate those differences again? How would they know if you were thinking that your differences could help to draw you closer together, instead of driving you apart?

I think I would express a lot more acceptance and appreciation. I would let him know that I sometimes wish he wouldn’t take things to extremes, maybe wish he would do a little bit of this or a little less of that, but that I don’t want to change him. I would probably tease him more and complain less about his idiosyncracies.

I would probably remember and respect some of his differences more and have been more considerate and sensitive to his feelings.

I would probably point out all of the ways that our differences compliment each other so he can see another perspective than that our differences make us “incompatible”.