Sunday....Birthday party and Giants game at her brother's....good time. She was close all afternoon...sat by me, rested her hand on my leg...poked and tapped me when she got worked up watching the game. We left at half time, went home and watched the rest, relaxed and chatted.
What was significant to me about that day was she included me automatically. Early on, right after the bomb, when I tried to be more social and include myself in things like this, she never seemed quite comfortable about it.
I had separated myself from her family so much over the years that even though she "let me come along".......I believe she took these actions as phony changes on my part. Several times over the last couple of months as things like this have come up she is more apt to say "we have a party at XXXX"....not "I have to go to XXXX, you can come along if you like", or maybe not mention it until the last minute and just go alone.
Monday wife stayed home and cooked all day while I was at work....we just finished up the leftovers last night, so she really went wild and stocked up the fridge. That night when I got home we watched Monday Night Football, relaxed watched some TV and talked....normal every day stuff.
Tuesday I was off and puttered around the house, brought her lunch at work and made us dinner that evening. That night we did have some drinks and one of our "silly nights"....no ML(that time of month), but we had a nice close, affectionate time and lots of fun talking and listening to music. Storms in the area had knocked out our cable, so we actually spent some time playing video games, which we have not done in many years.
At one point during the night as we were talking, there was another one of those moments when she wanted to say something, but didn't. This time she actually told me she wanted to say something, but didn't know how to say it......"You know, the last month or so...you...I don't know...I don't know how to say it".
I asked her if it was something "bad" and she said no, so I told her if she was not comfortable saying it or didn't know how, then wait until she was, and we changed the subject. In hindsight I wish we hadn't, but feel good that I didn't dwell on it and it is not eating me up wondering what it was.
Wednesday we went out after work to get pumpkins and some things for Halloween...early night, as we were both a little tired from the crazy night on Tuesday.
Last night after work we had dinner and together went through the house, picked up, cleaned up, vacuumed and organized for about an hour. We also carved pumpkins together which is something we have never done alone, without my daughter....we each did 2, put in the candles and set them out to admire our work.
We are getting dressed up for a Halloween party tonight, so last night she asked if she could do a practice session on me for the makeup she wants to use.
She was shining last night and we were having fun....while she was doing my makeup she commented that she couldn't believe that I was letting her. I asked why....
Her response was that she had always wanted to do things like this but it seems like we never did....always a reason, always an excuse.....I told her, I don't think we ever asked each other....too many assumptions over the years, and she said maybe.
We ended the evening in the living room on the couch together as I rubbed her legs and feet. When I was ready for bed, I got up and put my hand out for her to come with me....she said "always bossing me around", and got up and walked to the bedroom with me, where we cuddled up and went to sleep.
Halloween party tonight...she just sent me a text pic of her in her costume at work, which I had not seen yet.
