It's Halloween this Friday, x wants me to take D9 out for trick or treating instead of her but wants D9 dropped off her place on Sat. Fine, but..... I think she's going out to party on her night off from work (she works nights still and told me she's working that night) and won't tell me. Why else would she want for me to take my daughter that night but drop her off the next day? Also - D9 told me her mom has 2 male friends she's really affectionate to (so boyfriend(s) in the picture) - which is another issue altogether. I'm not going to ask X what she is really doing on Fri night - not my business - she told me on her own she's "working" - but when she's passing the buck in babysitting so she can have fun and I change my plans - not cool. If she wants to be with her bf - fine. She just needs to tell me. Heck, if I want to go out with my GF (which is in my future) I'll prob make sure I tell X I have "plans to go out" and leave it at that - but not lie or beat around the bush.
I'm not making a big deal out of it this time because I want to spend time with my D9 anyway, I love spending any calendar event with my daughter. It's just annoying seeing my X act really selfish on a night like Halloween and not care for my D9's needs. My D9 has been looking forward to Halloween trick or treating for a while now. I'm also keeping my D9 on Sat all day, X can wait till Sun.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
My daughter is the only thing that matters. Today I wasn't supposed to pick her up - but my D9 called me to get her so I can help her with her math homework - her mom is not capable of that and D9 goes to mom's school district, but spends most nights with me due to her night job and irresponsible SS18. This is becoming an ongoing issue and my atty tells me to file for physical custody. Right now it's joint physical which is unique.
As far as X having affectionate BFs - that just cracks me up. It only helps to reinforce just how different both me and X have become. But I don't want my daughter growing up thinking that it's OK to do what mom was doing later in life - and I think I'm OK in that area - my daughter is a smart cookie and she usually tells me what's right and wrong on her own. I think I'm doing a good job raising her and steer her right where her mom can't (unfort).
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
Sol.... thanks for your reply on my God/Booze/DRugs thread.... couldnt reply back.... thread to maxed/locked.
Quote:
I am back to learning what I was taught earlier - patience!
It definitely is a process of patience. So you are on the right track. A lot of these simple truths come to life in the process of re-entering the relationship world.
I did discover that after taking to heart what all went wrong in my M, that I was indeed in far better condition to have a good new R. I approach things completely differently than I did in my first M.
Your D will realize what a positive influence you are in her life. you are the one who is going ot steer her in the right direction, and she will be forever grateful to you for it.
even though my parents were together up until I was 17, my mother was emotionally absent due to her mental problems and drug adiction. trust me, i know who raised me to this day, and helped me become the woman I have become. My father. If it wasn't for him, I could have went down the wrong path. I feel successful in life because of his guidance and love. The same will be true for you and your D.
That's perhaps the most encouraging thing I have heard in a long long time. I'm just grateful to have such a wonderful, smart and loving little girl in my life, and I'm always proud to hear her call me "daddy".
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
I have recently come across a dilemma concerning whether I should pursue a long distance relationship or not. I know the answer to this - but sometimes it helps to hear it from others when one is caught in the middle of it and is blinded by it. Point is, the option is there - and I know the ups and downs to being in one, and I understand that if one does happen, there must be a closure to it: One person moves or it has to end.
I don't think I am ready for one, both emotionally and financially, so obviously I am not going to pursue one at this time, but if both people develop a close connection over time, and months pass, what is one to do? Keep them as friends and wonder "what if"? Or end contact all together and wish them well?
It's on ongoing struggle between the heart and mind, I tell you!
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
Hey Sol, it's great to hear one of us guys thinking with the right head for a change! R's are very stressful and difficult things, they can be draining even under the right circumstances. I think it's important to pick a sitch where the odds are in your favour otherwise you set yourself up for problems. Could you just keep in touch as friends and just leave it open. That way there is no expectation on anyone's part and if one of you finds someone else, so be it. It all depends on where you are emotionally, if you think you can handle a long term friendship that may or may not one day become romantic in nature then do that, if not then let it go. But, I definately wouldn't go the romantic route right now. As you've already said you aren't ready for that yet. A real man thinks of the needs of both himself and the other party, if you aren't ready and yet go ahead anyway then you're not doing her any favours!
Hey Sol, it's great to hear one of us guys thinking with the right head for a change! R's are very stressful and difficult things, they can be draining even under the right circumstances.
You hit the nail on the head, and I'm glad it's not just me that thinks that! I must be crazy to want to be open to another R whether its now or later on. (Of course not now yet - but you never know....) They are stressful, I agree. And make one a long distance? I think I forgot to take my happy pills on that one!
Originally Posted By: whatisis
I think it's important to pick a sitch where the odds are in your favour otherwise you set yourself up for problems.
Another wise comment. I have been thinking of letting her go, and possibly our friendship, and just make it a rule to date only locally. Also need to make sure I date more mature women, who love kids whether they have some of their own or not. But definitely keep it local. She would have to be an exceptional woman to want to try for a LDR....but that's the kind of woman I am looking for anyway!
Originally Posted By: whatisis
Could you just keep in touch as friends and just leave it open.
Well we met with the intentions of being potential partners - we were both looking, but we maintained a steady friendship for months now. Because it's been long distance - I didn't bother to pursue her, she was the one keeping me around, so I got curious. Now she denies she was pursuing me! LOL! But after developing more than just feelings of friendship, and her showing obvious signs of affection, I can't just let it stay as friends. I would have to let it go if nothing further develops. I'm a sucker for romance and I bruise easily. I'm the artistic, intellectual type with a quirky personality - but when it comes to romance, it's a whole different language and I'm a goof at it! Me lovestruck = deer with headlights!
Originally Posted By: whatisis
A real man thinks of the needs of both himself and the other party, if you aren't ready and yet go ahead anyway then you're not doing her any favours!
That is wisdom right there man. I agree. And it has to go both ways too. She also has to be ready and think of both party's needs.
Well I had a short but deep R talk with this woman. She's in NY state, I'm in VA. I asked her about her romantic innuendos towards me and why she won't tell me how she feels. I didn't pursue it further, and I knew that R talks aren't good at all. But I had to clear up some issues we were having so we are both on the same page. I made mistakes, she did too. We have not had any intimate contact except for a kiss on the cheek, hugs. Just friend stuff. But the killer deal will be the distance and the lack of commitment - I guess from both sides. I am still in contact with her as friends, but I am abandoning any hope that it will go further. Do I want it to? Yes, I would like to. She's that unique, but if both hearts and minds aren't there, no R no matter how near or far will work out. Doomed to failure from the start.
Eerily, the way we have met and progressed has a lot of parallels to how I handled my ex when I first met and dated her. That scares me! Sol meets girl, likes girl, dates girl, offends girl, apologizes sincerely to girl, makes friends with girl and dates some more. Yep, happened just about the same way. I need to work on how I do R's better! My fault is that I need way more communication time and more friendly dates in order to not offend in a serious way, but I know mistakes will be made in all R's.
Anyway, after our "chat" we stopped the R talk, as it gets to a point where it starts to go on a tangent and makes the person on the other end slightly uncomfortable - whether we're in a R or not. But I still think I did good since I kept it short, but she told me I needed to stop going on that tangent, so I did, and changed the subject to Halloween stuff. I really listen to women more now - I guess that's a big plus for me as a guy right? Well I was a little heartbroken after our chat, I don't know why, but I needed to point this out so I can remember how I felt. Again, I'm a romantic and I usually do a good job of setting myself up for disappointment. Ha! There's a song by The Cranberries of same name! I know this feeling will pass, it's just a feeling.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
Y'know Sol, it all sounds way too undefined. You tried to talk about it and maybe define things a bit and she didn't want to "she told me I needed to stop going on that tangent". It's not wrong to ask someone what you mean to each other. I think when something becomes far more complicated than it needs to be then it's probably wise to let it go. R's are a tough go when everything is coming up roses let alone when you have all sorts of complications. Sometimes we think that the complications make it spicy or romantic in some way. I think these complications really just make things confusing and frustrating. In the shape our heads are in after losing our M's, complication is the last thing we need! Btw, you're not the only one whose a "deer in headlights" when it comes to love!
