"You're more likely to divorce if there are differences in your backgrounds, your likes and dislikes, and interests".
Thoughts on this illusion?
I always thought this meant you'd be more interested in each other for a lifetime. It can be really annoying, however, when you run up against big differences over and over. I am very motivated now to feel more appreciation than annoyance over our differences.
Quote: What are some of the differences between the two of you that you thought were "cute" when you first got together, but you now think are rather "annoying"?! What do you think that their answer to this question might be?
I liked his independence (in terms of things like running his own business) and then it became really annoying once we had a family. I also liked listening to him expound on things, but eventually grew frustrated with that when it meant having a hard time working towards a point in a conversation.
I think my H liked my strong, emotional personality when we got together, and now it really bothers him. He also liked my "trailblazer" style, but eventually would have preferred a more mainstream, follower type of person. This may sound weird, but he liked how his family didn't like me, as he was rebelling against them. Eventually, this became a huge problem, which we would have likely realized if we had married at a slightly older age.
Quote: In what ways are you different from your partner? What things might you be able to add to their lives?
I am different from my H in that I'm more careful with money, more emotionally demonstrative (in anger and in love), more "difficult", less easygoing, more of a linear thinker. I could add some spice and emotion to his life, and I'm always bringing new things into the relationship (art, film, books, music, activities, etc.).
Quote: In what ways is your partner different from you? What things might they be able to add to YOUR life?
My H is much more optimistic than I am. He sees things positively (often to a fault). He is extremely talented in terms of building and creating things. He is extremely kind, warm, and positive with people. He is very conservative politically (while I'm rather liberal). He adds to my life a sunnier view, the ability to build or create just about anything one would want, positive interactions with strangers (who can easily then become friends), and a different perspective on the world. I actually miss our conversations on politics!
Quote: What are your strengths and your weaknesses?
Strengths: intelligent, loving, committed, visual/artistic/creative, great sense of humor, spiritual, interesting, serious, willing to buck the system.
Weaknesses: fearful, often pessimistic, wounded, quick to anger, lacking confidence in many ways, may buck the system a tad wee bit too often.
Quote: What are their strengths and weaknesses?
Strengths: Warm, kind, extremely talented, spiritual, intelligent, great sense of humor, hard working, strong, giving, positive.
Weaknesses: Irresponsible, trouble following through on important things (um, like taxes . . .), conflict avoider, rather shut down emotionally in his most crucial relationships, while warm and friendly with strangers/acquaintances, overly optimistic.
Quote: How might the two of you be able to combine your strengths, and come together to make a great relationship, to be a great "team"?
I don't know how, but looking at the two lists for strengths, it does sound like a pretty good team! Any ideas on how?
Quote: What actions could you take if you were to look back at what you were doing in the past, and learn how to appreciate those differences again? How would they know if you were thinking that your differences could help to draw you closer together, instead of driving you apart?
I could comment appreciatively on his kindness to people, his talent, etc. I could openly enjoy our differences politically, and express pleasure at having such passionate discussions, even though we disagree. I could within myself, and demonstratively to him, show appreciation that we are two distinct individuals. Both worthy and interesting and *different* from the other.
I guess the main way he would know is that I was showing appreciation, rather than criticism or anger.
