It sounds like you are doing all the right things. Like they say, when you are going through hell, keep going. This is our hell.
I have been seeing a therapist who does not want me to go on Anti-Ds. Been on them before and they worked great, but I am trying to deal with this situation wihthout the drugs. It aint easy! A little XANAX goes a long way at times.
Try not to look back on regrets and try not to look to the future. Live in the moment.
If you want to divorce your spouse.. dang.. I wish he would have brought me up to speed. It's so shocking for it just to happen
Wow. I totally agree. And here's another novel idea, wait to start a relationship AFTER your divorce.
Quote:
at 6 AM I groggily tried to impress on her the value of independence and the goodness of letting sleep deprived Mom stay deeply cocoooned and snoozing in bed.
LOL! I work til 1am most nights, and have to be out of bed by 6:30am. My D6 is a morning person (up on her own by 6am most days). She and I spend the half hour (between 6am-6:30am) negotiating. Me..."One more minute..."...D6... "Minutes up. Get up, Mommy". Me..."One more minute..."
It is a GIGANTIC roller coaster. After 25 years, what other life do you know? I've got 22. I get it. Let it out here. That's why we all come here. Fish is right. The "death of the family" is overwhelming fro me/ I never bought the "create a new better family" bulls*it, but what other choice do they give us? To check out? I tried that too. It was not the answer. THEY Made this choice for us. All we can do is try our best to weather the storm. It comes in stages, and only then with 2 steps forward and SOMETIMES, 5 back. You WILL get there.........
THEY Made this choice for us. All we can do is try our best to weather the storm. It comes in stages, and only then with 2 steps forward and SOMETIMES, 5 back. You WILL get there.........
FLTC,
I'll second that..........
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
I really don't know what to say. Your H's actions are incomprehensible to me. I just want you to know I am here, thinking about you, hoping for the best for you.
(((((gypsy)))))
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
Thanks for your support and suggestions. It really helps hearing your perspectives and experiences.
As you know my counselor has me doing art therapy. Initially the images were cartoonlike in ink. The downright rude ones or dealing with spouse in particular ended up being in pencil. Once I had a frank discussion with my dad (who molested me throughout my childhood) about how I didn't want the rest of my life filled with the bitterness and anger I'd felt toward him compounded by the actions of my spouse.. something changed. The buzz and anger disappeared.. gone. It was amazing.. just gone.
It wasn't something I planned, it just happened. Well.. happened with the support of friends, counseling, coming here, being willing to change, letting go of fear. Everything led me to being able to talk without fear, to express how I felt. Incredibly neat. I will use all that to forgive my spouse and myself for the loss of our marriage, the death of 'our' family, the guilt I feel for what this is doing to the children.
My drawing has changed. It's full of color and perspective, shading and using colors as I wish, not what you expect. I'd always been so afraid of change, afraid of everything. Although I would sketch in the past I would never touch colors. I was so afraid that whatever I did would be wrong. Now I just grab what I want. Fall colors captivated me. I used to view autumn as a time of death, mourning in advance the bleakness of winter. Everything is getting fuller, richer. I don't worry about something being wrong.. like the perspective. I'm just drawing and loving it.
My very wise brother adeptly 2x4's me, giving good advice which has usually always turned out to be right. My fourteen year old daughter talked about her difficulty with my binge eating, how she feels drawn to stop me. Lots of positive growth going on.
I'm easy to find. Just click the 'Current' in my signature.. unless that's too hard for a manly man to figure out!
I tried using pastels yesterday. BIG mistake.. or at least frustrating and messy. Maybe I should read up on the technique.
Just got a call from the jacuzzi guy. One he attaches the cover I might be able to fill it up, shock the living daylights out of it, empty it and fill up again and use it! YAY!
Just adding this so I don't lose it. It's an image that came to me years ago when I was coming out of a severe depression and where I found myself. It's updated to where I am now.
*hugs*
I have an image about spouses who leave. They are found swimming in a warm pool, luxuriating in the silkiness. They swim with their eyes closed and olfactory senses off. What was in their life is nothing compared to what they have now.
Unfortunately a time comes when the nose starts working and the eyes open. That soft hum becomes the buzzing of flies, the warmth is shocking, the scent is of decay. The pool is no longer idyllic. It's a cesspool. The warmth comes from a vile source, the stench starts to define what is real versus imagined.
But.. nothing is as bad as the hell they left, or so they say.
Oddly enough, the ones who are left behind can find themselves in the same scenario wondering why they never realized what that pool really was.
Maybe that's what happens when couples become individuals who are married to each other and choose to survive their relationship. Wouldn't it be wonderful if marriages had regular cleanings like septic tanks?
Just adding this so I don't lose it. It's an image that came to me years ago when I was coming out of a severe depression and where I found myself. It's updated to where I am now.
*hugs*
I have an image about spouses who leave. They are found swimming in a warm pool, luxuriating in the silkiness. They swim with their eyes closed and olfactory senses off. What was in their life is nothing compared to what they have now.
Unfortunately a time comes when the nose starts working and the eyes open. That soft hum becomes the buzzing of flies, the warmth is shocking, the scent is of decay. The pool is no longer idyllic. It's a cesspool. The warmth comes from a vile source, the stench starts to define what is real versus imagined.
But.. nothing is as bad as the hell they left, or so they say.
Oddly enough, the ones who are left behind can find themselves in the same scenario wondering why they never realized what that pool really was.
Maybe that's what happens when couples become individuals who are married to each other and choose to survive their relationship. Wouldn't it be wonderful if marriages had regular cleanings like septic tanks?
