I had a feeling last night, it struck me that if I WAS in your position now, I would be having those feelings too, is this too much, has he pushed me too far, do I have any hope/respect left that this could be the man I wanted. I just wanted to say, the penny dropped on how you could be feeling the way you have!
Secondly.. you said "The truth was that I was not interested at all in his work. In fact, since I partly blame his work for us getting here" -but you also said
"We spent 10 minutes on the phone talking about his work. During our last face to face discussion, he said he realises he should share with me more what's going on at work so I have an idea how his life outside our home is. So, he was extra willing to tell me every little detail..."
.. so, he was thinking it was what you wanted?? So he doesnt really understand yet, how you really feel about all this then, clearly. Did he also mean to reassure you about his work life, as he met his EA there?
What struck me most about your post though was perhaps still a lack of communication/honesty. You hadnt been able to say EXACTLY how you felt/wanted all year, becuase DBing does not allow for us to put our needs/emotions on the WAS.. but he is back now, so you can. And if you are feeling despondent about it working out, then you really have nothing to lose by being COMPLETELY HONEST with him?
So - if you thought " I will soon get frustrated if he doesnt do somekind of a big nice gesture" - then TELL HIM! Tell him that you expect this and are hurt that he is not pulling out all the stops to win you back and even if that means going the extra mile, or stepping out of his comofort zone, or taking a day off work (and who the hell cares if they are laying people off?? His M and W are hanging by a thread, put some effort in man!).. Perhaps you are waiting for him to do it, to prove to you he has changed/does love you.. but theres so much swirling around you two, I just think its better to be open and honest now?
I also agree with GFI.. that work is very important to a man, to his sense of identity and status and especially once kids arrive and they feel the pressure to provide, or maybe a little left out with the W being Mum. Also though, your H does sound like a very work orientated man, even now, its pivotal to him, isnt it? That might not change, unless you tell him clearly... forget the money, time is more important.. RESIGN ONE OF YOUR JOBS!? You cant do two at once and work till midnight.
I agree with you, if he carries on like that, I cant see how your M might surive, you will be back at square 1 in 6 months except this time it will be you thats the WAS, having an EA.
Do you really feel at a deadend?? I think you should tell him how disappointed you are. Especially about his workaholic-ness! Al xxxxx
