Sounds like a plan to me! Go out, but come home late evening, not too late, like you said, just after dinner I guess. Do you know that he will be home? Will he be mad that you arrange to go out on a Friday night without asking him what he's up to?
Its positive that he suggested that you both do weeding on Saturday. Its kind of normal isnt it, and low key and coupley. I really hope that things turn a corner for you over the next few weeks...
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I guess I don't know with 100% certainty that H will be home. I do know that he has a very rough series of flights, starting at 340 AM Cairo time, and arriving in Dublin around 1 PM local time. My money is on him wanting to unwind and relax.
I am pretty sure he will be glad that I am not expecting to spend Friday evening with him. Last Friday I stayed at a friend's house, and the Friday before that he took a coworker to dinner, and got home at around 11 PM. He will probably see this as me being more independent, which is what he needs to see. Truth be told I have no specific plans now, but I will conjure some up!
I like the weeding suggestion too...I also liked that in his email to our agent he said "we" throughout. Thanks for the nice wishes Ali. I was feeling pretty nervous throughout the day, but this silly weeding thing made me feel a little bit better.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
While I do still really like the idea of just leaving H here alone on his own, in true Secret fashion, I feel like another path has been opened. Unless my friend reaches out to me tomorrow, I am taking it as a clear sign that I need to come home. I just wish I felt like H wanted me to be here...Maybe it will feel differently tomorrow, and maybe the dynamic will be different with me coming home late instead of vice versa.
My goal is to still avoid all R talks this weekend, have a really good time, have plans in the works for the next weekend, and then decide on my own to go to a friend's house on Monday or Tuesday for a few days.
Oh and yes it is funny how things like "we" in an email can make us so happy these days. How happy would something like "I like spending time with you" make you? I bet we can both remember the days when an ILY seemed like just another phrase...ahhh...
ITH
Last edited by istherehope; 10/30/0806:46 PM.
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
OMG it's sooo funny that you bring that up because while I was getting ready for work this morning the thought of when he was there crept into my head and I remembered how he would sit on the bed and watch me put my makeup on and I would ask "Don't you love me?" and he would always respond, "more than love, I adore you". It kinda made me smile a bit this morning thinking about that and how I can't wait to hear those words again!!
I think your goal is a great one and you can do it. Remember thinkn positive!! Do you still have the Rao book? Re-read it maybe it will give you some more inspiration to be more conscience of the things you say to H and how you handle what he says. And trust me you have been doing great lately, I'm not saying that you're not but just some added reinforcements might make everythings go even smoother an help speed the process along.
So every time I think I have this plan in place for taking back a bit of dignity, something happens to change it...H texted at 430 in the morning from the Istanbul airport to say he was there, waiting for his plane, and was I working from home today. I waited until I actually got up, about 3 hours later, and just said "no". Then he wrote back about someone coming to look at the heater today, and it was a little sarcastic, so I said I'd make sure I was around if it was before he got home. In fact this means now that if I have to wait around for the repairman, we could end up crossing paths in the house--him home from an exhausting business trip, me once again waiting around.
I am going to have to see the positives in this...I guess if we do cross paths, I can leave as soon as he gets here, and say that I need to get into the office because I have plans. I just wanted it all to be done in a note!
Well, there is still a chance that the repairman will come really early, and that I have nothing to worry about...
I am starting to think that this is a sign for me to be in the house today.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Alright-again just journaling. Such small things take on such massive import in our heightened emotional states, or at least in mine...
Talked to rental agent and now the repairman is coming Monday. So, I left H a note, not mushy more with bullet points about what was done in the house, then said what food was in the fridge for him, and that I'd be going to dinner and drinks with coworkers tonight.
I'm not wearing the leopard outfit since I didn't have plans that called for it, but am wearing the ears, even now on the train :).
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Well done.. I think you made the right decision, especially if he was a bit rude and sarcastic on the phone earlier. Also, not wearing the leopard outfit is perhaps better, as that is less pressure. Before me and my ex split and I was trying to attact attention, I bought new underwear and casually paraded in it, and I caught him frowning and he seemed almost annoyed (whereas in the past he would have been really pleased!) so, I think sometimes it can backfire, that stuff.
What time are you planning to be back home and what time is he going to be back at the house?
Ali x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
It was a text message, so I may have been reading into H's tone, but I would completely understand him being a bit exhausted after his horrendous series of flights.
Agreed that the leopard outfit might be too much pressure. I seriously want to avoid that at all costs.
Still trying to finalize plans, but my idea is to be home around 10 PM. He gets home around 3...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Hmm and now everyone I would normally go out with seems to be booked this evening, as I waited until the last minute to try and set up plans. So I am just not sure what to do. A big part of me would love to go home and hang out with H, rather than stay at work late just to avoid looking like I am eager to hang out. I think staying in on Halloween with candy to give out etc. could be really nice, but only nice if we are both in the mood for this.
I guess I will see whether he contacts me when he gets home, and see what this contact seems to be like. I could stay at the office for a couple of extra hours, and just sign out of IM, but it seems contrived...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
