Hopeful_One: Your comments about your H's history, taking a "stand", avoiding conflict, shutting down emotionally & feeling like he needed some control and freedom in his life....
Oh boy, big "ditto" on that with my H. We have now both seen a strong corrolation between H's relationship with his mother and the way he has behaved while in MLC. When he was 14-15, his mom told him to move out if he couldn't live by the rules. He chose to move out. Later, in H's early 20's, he had a falling out with his mom and "took a stand" to shut her out of his life. He had no contact with her and then felt terribly guilty when she died without them having reconciled.
All of the stuff that he had unresolved with his parents during his teen/early adult years came out full-force during MLC. I even noticed a strange pattern where he would do very inappropriate things, then almost dare me to put limits on his behavior. If I did put limits on his behavior or even asked him to do anything, he'd react like he was a rebellious teenager who would rather move out than "live by the rules".
I was baffled and confused by the way he was acting like more of a rebellious teenager than our actual teen-aged boys! Nearly everything I said and did was interpreted as being a "controlling mommy". I'm very glad that I didn't do a knee-jerk reaction by playing the part of the controlling mommy, but kept trying to relate to him as a grown man having an MLC.
