Jak So glad you took time for yourself, too! It's important as you reminded me.
I soooo feel like dancing on the table sometimes - love the story about visiting your D and showing her how it's done. This particular bar (ours) is just funny because it's maybe 3.5 feet from the bar top to the ceiling! I need to post video but well.. it was pretty stripper-esque.
Coach and Doc Y'all are dogs!!! (and.. invited to New Year's if you want... bar-dancer says she's going to be here.. ).
ST Thanks so much. That's VERY true... adopting and going through all that, OMG. Maybe you're right on my/our "true calling." I forgot to mention most adoption places won't even let you APPLY if you've been separated in the prior 2 years.
With my health... I sorta agree I'm better but the problem lies in that as a kid I had a rare but very severe auto-immune disease starting as a little kid, age 9 or so. So no matter how good I feel as an adult it's still a problem.
I got "lucky" (on a personal level) in that I got the childhood version of it which goes into remission after puberty. However with pregnancy the "permanent remission" goes out the window - I forget the odds but it was a really high chance of either 1. me "relapsing" and H basically ending up with a baby and a totally disabled wife, or 2. me dying in childbirth and H ending up a single Dad. Between those 2 it was a 50% chance I'd be OK vs. one of those scenarios. Not so good odds.
Not to be all depressing.. just saying the actual hormones of me conceiving and then trying to carry a baby.. pretty huge risk.
Just some venting cuz I need to and don't want to go off on H...
Feeling kinda down tonight. I need to think that through more how to address this. H has been acting like a total jacka%% recently. Like saying ILY and snuggling is enough to make up for awful behavior during the day. But I start doubting myself and wondering if it's just me, sometimes.
Just for example... he gets really upset when it's a short day for him because it means basically making no money (he's paid by the job). Which I UNDERSTAND but I mean.. why not catch up on unpaid stuff during that time??
So today, he gets home at about 2 PM. I on the other hand get home at 7... to find out he's been "hanging out," drinking beer, watching porn, watching movies, playing video games - for HOURS - meanwhile expecting me to get home and do the dishes, put the laundry away, mop the floors (from his friend's party!!!), etc. GRRRRRRRRRRRR.
I loved the part where I was in the bar area repotting my plants (that his friend's kid knocked off the counter and broke), washing the glasses, etc. and he said "Hey Babe since you're out there could you bring me a beer?"
He knows I'm pissed because I finally couldn't hide it when I practically threw the beer at the table, but I'm pretty sure he has no idea why. Ugh. My fault. That, of course, shut him down and he's been sleeping on the couch since he got home.
Gotta think some on this whole thing... I haven't vented them all here I don't think but it's weird how many things lately have made ME wanna be the WAW. I just need to get back to focusing on me, I think.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Sorry for the downer post last night! I was just in one of those moods. MUCH better today.
I do need to get that focus back on myself, though. H HAS been acting not so great at times, but I'm letting it affect me way too much.
I DO still need to figure out how to calmly address the stuff that's bothering me with H though, too. Honestly I think we're BOTH just under a ton of stress and neither of us is handling it very well. I'll think about that some and post more once I have an idea what I might want to say - always like to get other takes on it.
OT - You said to bug ya if you hadn't written back yet on the kids thing. I wasn't sure how long to wait - so just a gentle nudge. I'd love to hear the background as to why you asked that question.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Thank you!! I totally agree that some good communication (and some quality time together) are both needed right now. Almost any time spent together lately has been kinda stressful for various reasons.
Hmmm... H suggested a bike ride the other day so I think he's thinking along those lines too. I may see if I can skip out of work early and do that today.
Woo hoo for Friday!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
hey, next time, maybe don't do any of the house work. ? My H actually does a little more when I'm not doing it...you know, that 90%10% thing, if your doing 90% the other will only give 10%.
or just be direct and say, I've had a long day at work, I would love it if you could help me do the dishes, or whatever it is.
Us women need to be direct with guys...they canNOT read our minds, and we just use our emotions thinking they'll get it, but most the time the don't.
so yes, try to figure out what you need to do that will work for those situations.
(((Nik)))
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Thanks all! Doing much better now.. had a nice bike ride on Weds. and we carved a pumpkin together last night. Much better!
I'm super busy so not much time to write but wanted to thank you all.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
This particular bar (ours) is just funny because it's maybe 3.5 feet from the bar top to the ceiling! I need to post video but well.. it was pretty stripper-esque. 
