Alli -- I think you're onto something ... watching the calendar and marking her mood swings will probably give just what you're expecting. My WAW would always be in a good mood when she was involved some way with another man.
She could being saying ILY's just to keep you on a close leash, especially if OM is out on a rig for a couple of weeks. She'll be missing him. They say that for the WAS, in the throes of an A they cannot feel for the LBS. So if she's in a A, I would suspect her ILY's are not whole-hearted. I would definitely not return the gesture of a ILY if she's in an A.
No physical touch at all, if possible. If she wants a hug, try to give her a one arm side hug. That really got to my W. She asked, " what was that?" I replied "considering the situation, you should feel lucky."
This doesn't mean that you don't love her; you just have to have a little dignity and not let her use you like a doormat.
Like Puppy says here on the boards, you have to let her know that you're not in an open marriage.
