Why do I want this woman back? Why can't I hate her after what she's done to our family? To our son?
You love her, that's why. Why do you love her? I don't know. I'm in a similar sitch. Sometimes I think I'm not really in love with her; I in love with the idea that we can be happy and keep the family together. I really think that's it. It is ALL about the kids and trying to prevent them from suffering through the effects of D and bad parenting. Maybe that's the codependent controller coming out in me, IDK?
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And will I even want her back when it's all said and done? Or am I just afraid of being alone?
But how much can one man take from a serial cheater (my W)? And still hold some dignity? Would I ever trust her again if she came back? I keep thinking that I would tell her if she comes back that we would wipe the slate clean from that day forward. We could never revisit the past except in MC. Nothing from the past gets talked about one on one. But I don't if she could do it.
You may be afraid to be alone. That's why you need to DB and DB fast. It will change your perspective on life. In the short time that I've been doing it; I've forced myself to do things I wouldn't do normally or things that I used to do to make me happy. I had lost myself in my M. I morphed into father/husband and somewhere I buried mC. But mC is digging out and has started to realize that I'm happier when I'm not with her. My life is setup now so that I don't have to deal with her drama.
Start DB'ing and you may find yourself in a similar position. It's very stress relieving, I'll tell ya.
Who knows she may just come back and work hard at it. I keep the window cracked as they say; I just don't look out of it very often.
