Hi, everyone. Sorry for taking so long to reply. The last few days have been taken up with lots of busywork. Nothing momentous, just the little tasks that can pile up all at once.
DQ: Your observations are quite good, as always. Your statement about brutal honesty is interesting in that it's a character trait that is quite often mentioned by those who know me. I've heard statements similar to yours that women later in their 30s and into their 40s become more sexually responsive, all other factors being equal.
You said that my wife has no way of knowing what she likes sexually. Wouldn't the physical sensations of sex teach her what's pleasurable and what's painful? Perhaps I'm missing a deeper meaning in your statement.
As for news and progress, a few things have happened recently.
1)Sunday I came home from work around 2:30 pm. My wife had the day off. We talked off and on, nothing consequential, until around 6:00 she joined me on the couch in front of the tv. I'd been there since about 4 pm after doing a few house tasks. She had finished hers by 6. She occasionally made small talk, then with increasing frequency, which I remember thinking that "she's not usually this talkative." After a while, I would notice her looking at me in a secretive fashion (she didn't think I noticed). I wondered "what the h*ll have I done now" but said nothing. Then around 8pm, she suddenly stood up and said sort of in an annoyed tone "I guess I should cook before it gets any later." We had ribeyes and french fries (she's an awesome cook).
2) Then Monday night, I made some small advances. I don't work on Tuesdays, so I usually feel less stressed on Mondays. My moves were nothing out of the ordinary: foot massage, hugs, a kiss on the neck (in that order). After the kiss, it was like I had slapped her. She turns and says "why should we do what you want if you didn't want to yesterday when I was in the mood. You were so nice then you didn't do anything but talk and lay on the couch." I was floored. I was like "you wanted to? Make it more obvious next time and I guarantee I'll be there."
So I think it comes down to a matter of differing styles. In hindsight, I did feel SOMETHING unusual in her behavior that night; I just didn't realize what it was till too late. I swear to God, if she initiated sex once in while and I realized it, I would lose my d*mn mind I'd be so aroused.
She just has a problem with sexual forwardness, I think because of her older sister's behavoir years ago that embarrassed and disgusted my wife a great deal. I've told her on several occasions that the difference for her(my wife)is that she can hold her head up high that she didn't indulge in those same behaviors and saved herself for marriage. "You should reward yourself now by enjoying sex within the accepted relationship of marriage" I've told her on occasion. She usually says some version of "I know, I'm trying." I suppose my role as a husband is to be more perceptive to her subtle advances and to make her feel as safe as possible with me.
