Is this worth saving, or am I only fooling myself?

[Dash]

..I will be so far gone before he even has an inkling of what he has done.

I worry that I might be as well. And then again, she may never realize what she has done. This is where I have a problem in dealing with some of this. It feels like "damned if I do, damned if I don't."

Maybe you don't need to let her go with you this time. Just you and your son having some good old guy time. I gather you not having her come with you will be a 180 and so it will shake her a bit. The earlier you can start shaking them the better.

This is my intention. She can stay and talk to her boyfriend online, I'm going to enjoy the time with my son.

Look good, see yourself having a great time with your son and don't ask her anything besides kid related stuff. It is hard but very necessary. Trust me. This is stuff I should have done early on when he was sitting on the fence. As time went on I just got madder, sadder and more confused. Let's pull back now and see if we can't keep her feet unsteady under her...ok?

I think she's already gone. She actually hasn't come out and said the word divorce, she has said "I want this over with as soon as possible." I really don't think she's on the fence. Maybe I wouldn't feel so hopeless if she were. She's convinced she's in love with the EA.

She's also told me that she has felt indifferent toward me for six months, but I asked her to tell me that she didn't love me so I could really let go, she said she couldn't say it, that sometimes she felt like she didn't love me, but she couldn't say it to me. Now I think this is just her way of trying to keep me around "just in case".

I had an anxiety attack on Monday night, I started missing my son so badly that I couldn't control my emotions. I called that night to speak to him, even though he can't say much.

I have been "dark" since the day after the anxiety attack, I did email her that day and explained that I called because of the anxiety attack. She emailed me back apologizing that I had suffered the anxiety attack and then went on to tell me about a job interview and breaking her glasses, etc. But I didn't reply.

Why do I want this woman back? Why can't I hate her after what she's done to our family? To our son?

And will I even want her back when it's all said and done? Or am I just afraid of being alone?

Lots to ponder.

Thanks Kat, for the advice, I have every intention of following it.