My 29 year old wife going through MLC, this sucks

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Thank you SPM and I do know what you mean. I have thought about how the conversation would go should she hit me with any of these senarios. When I have done this, I always envisioned staying calm, not crying and keeping in control. I have in my mind envisioned what life would be like alone. That does not scare me as much as how my children would be affected. They are the innocent bystander in this. Financially I will be ruined no doubt about that with her being a stay at home mom.

Regardless, I am still taking it hour by hour. W doesn't go to T until next week and my parents and brother are coming to visit next weekend also. W is coming back to our room while they are here,so that should be interesting. She says she is going to sleep on an air mattress on the floor. I told her if that is what she wants then okay.

Thanks again SPM, I have yet to keep a journal but maybe it is about time I started.

[fisherman]

When they say things like "I dont't want to get your hopes up."
"Your being so nice,when I want a divorce." BLAH BLAH BLAH. That is what you hear from now on. MLCBS. Fog talk. Whatever you want to call it. From now on it's BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Don't know if its a self esteem boost, or fear talking, who cares.

Don't buy it. Keep up the good work forget about the slips.

On tiny positive step at a time. If MLC and a snail had a race the snail would look like it was moving a light speed. Forward not backward is the key.

T

[fisherman]

Rise and SHINE my friend,

Ready to move forward? Even an inch is good. Time to suit up. You have everything you need for today. That's all that matters. This is all about you (not being selfish) but that's all you can change. One foot in front of the other.

Keep you eyes peeled for the tricks and you may get a little treat. Loosen the grip on what you can't control and it will fall into place. It's own perfect place. Smile, it takes a lot less effort than a frown.

Your never alone!

T

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Trapt,

Thanks for the inspirational good morning. Happy Holloween. Here is my update. Last night when I got home I did a 180 and told her that I was taking the kids out while she stayed home. She was fine with it and was able to take a bath and do housework, but normally I would invite her along.

I had a blast too, I took the kids to the driving range. they both, even the two year old love to put the ball on the tee and try to hit it. They went through a large bucket in no time. Then we got ice cream.

When I got home we put the kids to bed and then for the THIRD night in a row she didn't attempt to get out of the house and away from me. So we watched a little TV and said our goodnights. Then this morning I pulled another 180 by taking the kids for an early morning walk to Dunkin Donuts. We were gone by 7:00 and when the W got up she called wondering where we were. It didn't bother her neccessarily but I am trying to show her that I can handle kids on my own to. She seems to have forgetten that when our D was six weeks old and the W worked nights and weekends how I was dad home alone alot.

Anyways, I feel real strong right now and am really getting better at detaching. I already informed the W that I have plans for saturday night, so she didn't make her own.

I hope you have a fantastic day everyone and keep up the good work. Drop a line anytime.

B

[VeronicaV]

BSC,

I am glad you sound so positive. Good for you. You are doing a great job handling all of this and keeping it all together.

I hope you enjoy Halloween with your kids.

Beth

[SirPrizeMe]

sounds good BSC, doing your own thing. Excellent!

[BSC]

Well everyone. I broke my rule of not snooping and now I regret it. As you see from my posts things have been baby stepping in the right direction.

I have not snooped once since she told me she was moving to the guest room. So today I checked her cell phone usage. When we last had our R talk she had gone over her minutes costing us alot of money. We talked about how that was not fair to me since I was paying all the bills. Also, she knows it bugs me since she is talking to EA/OM. She said that she was checking her minutes and wont go over. So when I checked today knowing her bills ends in the next couple day she had gone way over. Probably when the bill comes to the tune of $350 plus dollars.

So this bothers me for two reasons. 1. is that we cannot afford to have her wasting money. Before OM she never talked on her phone more that 450 minutes. Now she is at 1900. 2. This probably means she it talking to him more than ever. WHich is wierd since she is acting better lately. Who the hell knows.

So my question to you all is how do I handle this. An email is going to come in a week showing the amount due. Once it comes I can read what is says and maybe confront her. But she is going to have to tell me about it since the bill is going to be so high and it is my money. Or should I just wait and see how she handles it. I know she is going to ask me to change the plan to accomodate her and I dont really want to do that.

So what I think I am going to do when she asks is change the plan and then tell her as we discussed she is fully responsible with her own money to pay the bill period. What I need to avoid I think is a confrontation that will put the talk on OM. Crazy thing is that we have unlimited home phone service and I told her to use it and he can call here so that we can save money. Guess she didn't listen.

This just sucks because she had been nice this last week. Also, on the bright side is that she doesn't have alot of free alone time without the kids so at least she is on the phone with him. Not WITH him physically. Not yet anyways.

UUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGhhhh.

Have a good night.

[SirPrizeMe]

I think you wait until the bill comes.
I think you do nothing until then.
You don't know what the bill will be. You don't know how it will go.

You know, this is a difficult situation. But, this is exactly the kind of thing happily married people deal with all the time. what would you do if you were happily married?

But maybe you could take a step back. What's the problem here? Are you really concerned about the money - is that what is important here?

Are you really inviting her to have her lover CALL YOUR HOUSE to save money??!?! Seriously? Is that the kind of person you are? "He can call here so that we can save money"???? Are you friggin serious? To save money you will encourage your wife to conduct her affair on your house phone?

What woman wants a man who makes that kinda trade?

To borrow a question I have been asking myself... How would you act if you were the man you want to be?

I know she is going to ask me to change the plan to accomodate her and I dont really want to do that.
Are you sure? maybe you should wait and see.

If she asks, let her get her own plan. That seems fair. Have a talk about family budgets and what's a reasonable amount to spend on a mobile phone for a month. I'd say $65 or $70 is pretty fair, that's actually pretty high. Anything above that is over budget and is her responsibility.

You are you, and I am me. But if it were me, I would say: No, I am not subsidizing your affair. I am not paying $300 or $200 or $25 or 13 cents to subsidize your affair. What you do is your choice but I'm not interested in paying for your affair.

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Thanks SPM. I hear what you are saying loud and clear. I am going to wait and see what happens. I am going to let her have to tell me about how she went over her minutes and ask me for the money. Then I am just matter of factly tell her that it is not fair to our family that she is wasting much needed funds. If she wants to changer her plan then fine, but I am not paying for it anymore.

I just really don't want to turn that conversation into a confrontation about other man. It will be the same old story. He is just her friend, they don't talk more than is appropriate and that is it. All a load of crap from the fog of course. The good thing is that I never stopped acting as if last night even with this information on my mind.

The other okay news is that she stayed in again for the 4th night in a row. And she has no plans to go out this weekend. Which is a first in months. Last night she was very quiet and I could tell she was thinking. So I let her be and did my thing and we watched some TV again. She has asked me twice now if I am still going out tonight and I told her yes of course. I am going to the movies with some friends, the I am going to do another 180 and text her and let her know I am going out for some drinks after. She will not expect this and it very similiar to what she has been doing to me when she goes out. She says she will be home early and then will text me later and say she is meeting up with some other friends. Probably when she is with OM though. But I really have no idea so I don't even entertain the thought.

Anyways, she is still being quite nice and pleasant, not being shy about flaunter herself naked around me and has been checking in with me more that normal. So I am going to keep these baby steps in my mind and use them to stay strong and focused on the task at hand.

Talk to you all soon.

[BSC]

So tonight my W had a photographer coming over to take outside pictures of the kids. She has had this planned for months. She informs me right before the girl arrives that she wants some pictures with the kids alone too and that if I want some alone with them that is fine. But she is not interested in any family shots. Then she says that I should find some things to do so the girl doesn't ask us to do a whole family shot. Now I know this shouldn't surprise me but it just sucked because I think when we get through this ordeal we will regret not having a family photo. But I understand from her mindset, why should she get a picture of such an awful time. Still tears my heart out.

She asked me for the third and fourth time when I got home from work if I am going out and who with. I am tired and really don't want to go but you bet your ass I am. Especially since she has asked so much and I think she is a little jealous.

Anyway, I kept up the as if during the pictures but inside I am sad. She is definetely thinking alot and is kindof inside herself this last day or so. Hopefully, she is really thinking about what she wants. Tomorrow is another day.

Bye all.