It's kinda hard to see the screen as I'm typing, sure most of you have been there more than once.(Let it out after she left) So enough of that.
Where do I begin? Had good day up until about 3:oopm my L faxed over a sheet to the office stating my w was no longer going to pay for any part of the mortgage and that we had spoke about putting the house up for sale or having my do a refi.(I thought things were on hold? Maybe a new "MLC" type of hold or something."Who knows? Don't even think W does.
This was what the original blow up was about, however since that time nothing has been said. I'm sure she spoke to her L today about doing this knowing full well she was coming over with the kids to have her b-day party at 5:00 pm. Let's just say it wasn't very easy driving home from work.(I'll stop whining now)
I acted "as if" like never before. I was very up beat but calm, carefree and just a tad distant. Not initiating contact or much of anything else. We danced to her lead so to speak. I bought her a new ipod(other one broke).So I went and loaded her tunes wich gave me more time away.
As I stop and think, I treated her like she was here everyday, just let here be. I'm getting there.She acted very happy and I got a few long hugs. I played with the kiddies while she sat listening to her music. We had some good laughs.
The thought about the fax crept up a few times,but never mentioned a word about it. Never asked what she was doing on her actual b-day either. Pointless.
I had set the fax up in the tray were I keep my bills, as I was walking upstairs a saw here looking at it. I walked past never said a thing.(the old me 4 months ago would have flamed out on this big time.)She said nothing.
All in all the night was good. Not where I want to be but one baby step closer. I'm looking straight ahead not chicken necken to see if the end is in sight.( it's not even close.)
An orange is an orange, thats all it can ever be. Squeeze it as hard and as often as you like, all you'll ever get is orange juice.
I am a strong, loving, kind, compassionate man.
Go ahead honey, put me in your mlc vise and try to squeeze the life out of me. All your gonna get is strength, love, kindness and compassion for that is all I have left to give.
