*How SURE are you about things that are going to happen?

I used to be very negative about the future because my H has always believed that once you leave a marriage, you can never go back. But now l focus on the fact that he also said he would never get married, until he met me. So attitudes and opinions can be changed!

*How much do you rely on the past, and the present, to predict the future? Especially about the "negative" things?

As l said above, now l try to look at the future as a blank page waiting to be written.

*How would you see the situation you're in from an outsider's point of view? What if you were a third-party looking at the events that are going on in your life? How might you see things differently?

Unfortunately, when friends have been in similar situations, l have told them to let go and just move on. Of course they only involved short term relationships and not a ten year marriage! I think l would tell myself to get on and build a new life without H but leave the door open, if my heart was still with him.

*If you were to put aside the "fact" that everything your partner is doing is meant to hurt you, what other possible explanations for some of their individual behaviors might you be able to come up with?

That he is hurt, confused and scared. The way l was when 1 had post-natal depression made me spiteful, jealous and bitter. After two years of abuse, H felt that this was the real me but l know it wasn't. H sees all my changes as temporary ways to win him back. He feels guilty for leaving his son, and tries to dismiss any feelings he has for me to justify leaving. H tries to push buttons that would have previously caused a screaming match. If l were to "bite" he could console himself that l hadn't changed and he was right to leave. Also l fear that he may think l'm back to being my happy old self because he has left. He may feel that we are better off apart, because him leaving snapped me out of my depression well and truly! Therefore, subconsciously, he may think that it was him that caused me to be so unhappy.

*If you were to start things over from scratch, with a clean slate, what would your relationship be like? What would YOU be doing to help lead it into the right direction?

We would never take each other for granted. I would not lose my identity again. We would both have our own lives and social networks, and the time we spent together would be because we wanted to, not because we had nothing better to do! I would not analyze every tiny thing that he said or did. I would let the small stuff slide and let him know how much he was wanted, needed and loved!