Organizing my Life

[BeingMe]

Thanks Phoenix and Wii! I appreciate the check-in and 'shuck on the shoulder'. I need it right now. Feeling a little drugged out since the neurologist increased the meds, but still have to somehow function at school. Quite the experience. H comes home tonight, so S21 will have a bit of a break from driving D16 and I around. H has been very supportive, even while away --- checking up on us regularly, phoning in the a.m. to wake us up (the drugs keep me very sleepy so it's really hard to wake up, never mind get up in the mornings) and getting me out on the weekends. He even talks to me more!

I am still struggling with the loss of independence. I know it will come with time, once these seizures are under control. But, it's still new for me, and I get very frustrated. I read on an epilepsy message board of someone who was stricken at the age of 30 and lost his job (he was a realtor and one cannot drive for some time until seizures are under control), his family (wife divorced him, and got full custody of the children because she says the seizures frightened them), and so on. It took about a year for him to finally get control, settle down and move on with his life. He did this by moving and following a career that he always dreamed of doing - art. And he became very successful at it. He remarried. He's had many other challenges, but he feels at this time that the epilepsy forced him to make choices that worked out for him, that he wouldn't have made before.

I guess one can compare this to going through a divorce, or the struggle of a spouse's MLC, or any kind of R challenge. We are never the same afterwards. I have mostly come through the R problems, and have seen the light of just accepting things as they are. Now, I have a new challenge, and I need to learn to let go of trying to control the uncontrollable in myself, not just in others. I have to learn to let others help me when I can't help myself. It's going to take awhile, but I'm sure I'll be able to do it --- eventually.

Well, enough journalling for the day, and musing, etc.

Y'all have good weekends!