Ok- I'm going to step back and take a situation analysis right now:
1.In the last week, he has called me 6 times, I've talked to him 3 of those times- I ended the convo 2 out of 3 times. He wants to talk about bills, but all these calls are unnecessary (excuse to call me likely :))
2.Conversation progress -(7/08-10/08) No talk at all (except a few emails from stbx that I didn't answer) for the first 3 months of our S
-(10/16/08) Stbx leaves me a msg that a friend died and I call him. He has my new phone number for the first time since I left. We have a super passionate conversation for 2hrs- I miss him, he misses me- we talk about traveling to meet each other. We talk about sleeping together, etc. etc. We remember all this stuff together about when we were dating. He wants to meet me halfway somewhere.
-(10/19/08) Stbx calls to let me know he's changed his mind, it's not a good idea to get together. We have a long convo about his feelings where I listen - I mention I'm maybe open to the idea in the future of working things out. He says I've helped him recently, he felt so rejected but now he feels so much better. He's not blaming me at all anymore- the reason he wants the M to be over is b/c of him not wanting an R with anyone (see previous posts) He finally says, well he'll think about it- call me back again in a few days.
-In the last week- I start DBing more- I don't answer his calls, except for a few. I act like I agree w. him and I'm moving on then. He has called or emailed almost every day- but he wants to progress w. the D and is trying to talk about bills.
3. I am doing very well "acting as if" and moving on: -In July I moved 2,000 miles away when we separated Stbx actually thought he had lost me and I was seeing someone else when we didn't talk at all in Aug and Sept. -Stbx can tell I'm happy and having lots of fun in my new city. I keep dropping mysterious/exciting comments and sounding happy -Stbx knows a few guys have shown interest in me and I have a ton of new friends -Stbx knows I think I 'deserve better' than someone who can't commit to an R (he agrees) -I am acting 'as if' we are slowly moving ahead with the D and talking about resolving our financial issues
4. Friendship/Romance progress -Romantic/passionate conversation, then he cools off (I know I went too far too fast) -Friendly conversations ever since -Stbx is no longer blaming me for anything- it's "about him" -In last convo, stbx says he's 'glad we can still talk like this-friendly'
5. D Progress -D is in progress, I asked my lawyer to HOLD. Stbx wants the D to move forward as soon as we can agree on our financial agreements. I have been 'acting as if' and talking about the bills. Obviously, I can't hold it off forever. Stbx will need to be in agreement w. me for the court to hold off on our case if it gets postponed too long. There is no telling when this could happen. My L says sometimes judges want to have a 'Status hearing' right away when the waiting period is up. Other times, they will wait until it's been several months with no action on a case. Advice?
Any thoughts from anyone on my sitch?
On the one hand, it looks like we're moving toward an amicable D- on the other hand, I've made it to step 2. in DB with a tiny hint of step 3. 1. Diffuse negative feelings 2. Friendship 3. Romance 4. Piecing/Resolving issues
DBer since 2003 D - 3/24/09 GAL and DBing for myself
