Quote: How SURE are you about things that are going to happen
I am not sure at all how things will play out in my M.
Quote: How much do you rely on the past, and the present, to predict the future? Especially about the "negative" things?
I don't think that I am relying too much, one thing you made me think of was that when he left b4 for AW, he did come home, again, eventually. I wake up every day and hope for a new beginning w/ my family and my H, and want to believe that he will never do this to me again, in the future.
Quote: How would you see the situation you're in from an outsider's point of view? What if you were a third-party looking at the events that are going on in your life? How might you see things differently
I think from an outsider's pov, I might feel like most people have been telling me, that I should get on w/ my life and he should be the one chasing me and begging for my forgiveness, but I guess nothing would change, then, and I do want my M to work and I want to have a loving R w/ him, so I am trying to hang in there.
Quote: If you were to read your story on the board like it was someone else's thread, what would you post to yourself? What advice would you give to you? How well would you take that advice?!
I think I'd be afraid to touch it w/ a 10-ft pole! I don't think I have enough DB experience to be a helpful advisor, so I probably wouldn't advise anything, just try to be comforting to this person.
Quote: If there was no past history to taint your views of the possibilities of things that could happen in the future, what might things look like?
It depends on how much past history you delete. Myself, I guess I would go back to when I was in nursing school, and realize that my H felt neglected when I studied so much. I would give him the attention he needed and encouraged him to promote w/ his job. (He felt I held him from promoting.) I would have given him my time more freely and tried to worry less about school, so he never would have confided in and ultimately had his first A. Now we might have been a very close, loving family that enjoyed each other as much as we did when we met.
Quote: If you were to put aside the "fact" that everything your partner is doing is meant to hurt you, what other possible explanations for some of their individual behaviors might you be able to come up with?
He's on drugs, he's having a MLC, he's confused about what he wants in life and he can't make up mind, he's possibly a sex-addict, he's scared.
Quote: What areas of your relationship might it be helpful to "take off your blinders", and see things from a different perspective?
When I asked for quality time, I would do all the things you shouldn't do to try to get it from him. Why he's having an A. His perspective on money-spending habits.
Quote: What does that dot that the teacher drew on the blackboard represent to you?!
An infinite list of possibilities.
Quote: What would your answer be to the "miracle question"? Your answer to how things COULD be, instead of the way that they are?
I could give to my H more freely, and he could give to me and Ss unconditional love freely, and spend quality time w/ us and be a faithful, devoted H, free of drugs. I wouldn't be critical of him or have learned to be disbelieving in what he says or does.
Quote: If you were to start things over from scratch, with a clean slate, what would your relationship be like? What would YOU be doing to help lead it into the right direction?
We would have a loving, trusting relationship, free from adultery. I would help this by giving my H what he needs, and help lead him toward my needs being met.
