Quoting sunseeker: </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr /> How would you see the situation you're in from an outsider's point of view? I would say that it looks like I am being overly patient and my H is being a jerk by running away from his problems. Most of friends say they can't believe that I am so "patient" and that he needs to start working on the M. I tend to agree, but then again, I am a little biased...or am I?!
I fully know what you mean on that point & have been told the same even by my own children who are angry that he's unwilling to work on making things better & for the BS that he's putting us all thru right now & especially for the affair with the slut from his job & everyone knows that she's just using him for what she can get out of him (even the people at work who are beginning to toss rumors around left & tight although he told the job in May that he'd moved back home)
Quoting sunseeker:<blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr /> If you were to put aside the "fact" that everything your partner is doing is meant to hurt you, what other possible explanations for some of their individual behaviors might you be able to come up with?
Hubby is having some serious issues that he needs to face & work out but instead he's running away from his problems
& in the process creating more with his irresponnsibilty with the money & not paying the bills correctly, drinking & driving has led to a ticket & Driver Ed class for him to keep his license, & his job is being affected
so althou he's hurting us his family he's also hurting his own self & in the long run it'll be up to him to wake up & smell the coffee...
I see a man/child that knows he's doing wrong, but he's not sure that he wants to stop or maybe even how...
he's in pain inside that he wants to run away from
he knows that Home is a Safe Place that he can come to he's hidden out here as well as going to his mom's but here he turns off the cellphone to "escape" OWhore & friends...
this past month & 1/2 he's been having too much fun in the sun to hide out too much...
but he does know that the door is still open to him & there are times when I can see that he's NOT having as much fun as he wants to pretend that he is... he's just NOT ready to Come Home & Miss Out on Something
I need to learn how to better detach from the problems while still being nurturing when he's here looking for "Safety" & reassurance that someone does still care
I need to get some friends to hang out with in real life & get out of the house & away from the computer...
For 20 yrs I've been Daughter & Son's Mom... For 11 yrs Hubby's Wife... I now need my own ID & life
I hate being in LimboLand... only a few short months & it'll be 1 yr...
I am fighting depression
as I can't understand what happened in June when he was clearly heading homewards
& I only found out this month that he'd even told the people at work that he was back home so it was on his mind & not just my imagination on the big babysteps I was seeing...
he's not talking & avoiding his parents as much as possible I'm trying to give him the space he needs...
but even at this point his Mom is mad at me for not bringing her over to the sluts house to confront hubby or at least giving her the sluts phone number to let her call for hubby...
I'm feeling beat up on by everyone for trying to be patient & I don't know what I should be doing at this point so all I can do is pray & spend way too much time here on the board trying to get a better idea of what i should try/do next
I'm trying to not feel so lost but this is SOOO confusing what do I do next?
