Hope4us struggle, part 9 or 10 or whatever

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Why don't you ask her?

"You seem distant, honey -- is everything okay?"

It seems strange to me, too. Could just be classic rubber-band-snapping-back thing, but that's usually us Martians who do that.

Puppy

[whatdidido]

My guess is she is trying to regain control. She's thinking "just cause we had sex doesn't mean all is fine and dandy and you can go back to the way we were". But, like Puppy said, I'd ask her. (She won't admit to the control thing...but it's what we do....and hormones are a horrible thing)

[Puppy Dog Tails]

She may be afraid that YOUR positive changes, H4U, are going to disappear now that she's had sex with you.

It's important how you handle this time. DON'T ACCUSE; just ask her, and listen. And if she's NOT comfortable with MLing with you right now, as much as that would sukk, make DAMNED sure you keep up ALL of your positive changes . . . and then some . . . for some period of time (1-2 months?).

Puppy

[fightingirish]

Ditto Puppy... He's right. Don't change what you are doing, all the positives..

[Hope4us]

Thanks guys. I did ask her if she was ok or if something was bothering her Tuesday night. "No" was all I got. And then a short time later I went to bed and when I went to kiss her goodnight I got a small sigh and then a kiss like you'd get from your grandmother.

I'm not going to change anything. In fact, after I left the job site this afternoon I drove over into Kentucky and picked her up a couple cartons of smokes. They're about $21/carton cheaper than they are in Ohio. I called her on my way to my hotel and told her and she was kind of ok. Definitely different than she was when I talked to her while she was at work. I don't know, maybe she just needed a night to herself. S16 went to his H.S.'s regional volleyball tourney match tonight and won't be home til probably midnight so she's got an evening to herself.

One other thing I thought of (and I know I mentioned this on FB to you TAL) is this refinery I'm at these couple days is the same one that OM transferred to a year ago in August. So maybe she's triggering with me coming down here. I know I've been thinking about something I could do to him with a trigger.....Ok, just kidding.....I'd never use a deadly weapon, the jail sentences are longer than if I use my fists....

And this evening was pretty tough on me. I was driving on the same road that W would have been driving on when she'd go see the a**hole and I was having a pretty hard time with that. Just kept picturing her driving to see him and getting all giddy, bout made me want to puke....

So, again, I'm not going to change anything. I won't get home until late tomorrow night and then Saturday we're going shopping for a new bed and then taking her out to dinner for her birthday. So it should be a fun weekend.

We also are going to Columbus for the Ohio State/Mich game in a few weeks and then Thanksgiving which W is planning on having at our house this year so it will be a fun/busy time.

Thanks for keeping an eye on me. I really appreciate the props.

[whatdidido]

Do something special for her birthday.

[Hope4us]

Like what? I bought her a Coach purse and a birthday card that isn't mushy but says she's HOT etc. Not sure what exciting thing I could do for her with a 16 yr old in tow.

She's never came right out and said she wants a Coach purse, but she comments all the time about them. Of course, she'll accuse me of stealing the idea from her old boss. About a month ago he told W that he'd bought a Coach purse for his wife and my W exclaimed (to me), WOW, do you know how expensive those are? Thing is, I've been planning on getting her one for about 3 months now. Of course, that idea hinged on where we were in our marriage, but now that it seemed like things were getting back on track I thought I'd go for it. So I'm sure she'll think to herself that I only did it because her old boss did it for his wife.

[whatdidido]

Hmmmmmm......like the coach purse and card.....purses are very personal...How ya gonna know which one she'd like? Maybe you're good at that. I don't think my H could do it...I'm very picky about stuff like that.

I bet she'd like a spa day...maybe have an appt for her during the day that you take her to (don't tell her where you are going). Bring her in...say, "Here is my wife. Take good care of her, she is precious to me," and drop her off for a manicure/pedicure, salt scrub, and massage. Time it all out...if she needs food, make sure you plan that as well. I like the Aveda spas. Not sure if you have those there. Make sure she has time when she gets home to get ready for dinner. Spoil her. She'd love that, and you can pull it off....you got da moves!!! If you want to go all out, you could buy her a pretty dress that hugs her curves to wear that night. (You may want to wait another night for that if your son is in tow.)

[whatdidido]

Oh...and if she asks where you got the idea or whatever....you say, "You have a sexy body, you should pamper it and you. I love you and I love making you happy."

[Hope4us]

Thanks WDID. I'm not sure about the spa thing. I did that for her for mothers day while she was in the middle of her affair (before I knew) and all she did was use it as a way to spend some time with OM. We were leaving to go to Florida the next day and she went to an hour and a half spa treatment and was gone for about 4 hours and when I asked her what took so long she said "In between the manicure and pedicure I had to sit there for over an hour". She admitted (after I confronted her about the affair 4 months later) to me that she'd been out in an hour and a half and spent the rest of the time with the boyfriend because we were leaving for a week and she "needed" to be with him before we left because it was going to be a week until she'd see him again.

So....I think she would probably love it, but I just don't think I can go there. I don't know. I'll think about it. I could pick one up when I'm getting my hair cut Saturday morning as the place I get it cut is in the area where all the Spa/Salon's are. Maybe I look a spa up and drag her along to get my hair cut, drop her off while I'm doing that and pick her up when I'm done. Problem with that is, we're supposed to go shopping for a new bed when I get done. There's this Amish furniture store having a sale Saturday only. We've bought some pieces of furniture there before and W really likes them so I just don't know if we can get all that done in one day. Maybe I'll just pick up a gift certificate for the spa treatment (a different one than I did before) and add that to the purse I already purchased. I'll think about it.

How did I know which purse to get? First, I'm pretty fashion savvy if I do say so myself. Second, I pay attention when she looks at stuff like that so I know what she likes. Third, I had narrowed down the choice to one of three and asked the young hottie behind the counter which she would pick and she told me that I had excellent taste as she'd like any of the three. The one I picked she then told me was her favorite Coach purse of all they have. Now she could have been blowing smoke, but why would she need to do that when I was obviously going to purchase one?

Ok, gotta run. Having some breakfast before heading underground again. Probably won't post again until Sunday morning. I'll let you all know how she is when I get home and when she gets her gifts.