chicki's 7th thread -latest drama

[Livin4ME]

Hey Chicki...didn't mean to highjack your thread.
He filed back in Feb and dismissed it in Aug. Refiling today. He initially left last Aug. We started a 'friends with benefits' R middle of Oct. 2 weeks later, I found out about OW he was living with. He came back home. Left 2 weeks later. I went to another state to visit my family for 2 months in Dec. He came and got us end of Jan. Left 2 weeks later. Sex started again in April, he came back home in May, left 2 weeks later. Same day he left, he came back begging to take him back, I made him leave. Sex again in July, he came home end of July, told me OW was PG, dismissed D beginning of Aug. OW miscarried 2 weeks and 1 day after he came home. He left today. I know there were times in between then we were also having sex and he would try coming back, but I can't remember anymore.
In July tho, that's all I wanted was sex. He came back on his own. And I made it clear that's all I wanted. But he continued the A with OW the whole time.
When they were having problems, he would call me up and talk me into having sex. It was very hard because each time we started having sex, he would come home. So I thought we were rebuilding our R. He's very persuasive!!! And I won't lie, I thought the sex was great! Better in fact than when we were actually together!! And I'm a sexual person, so I felt that it was better to have it with him, than someone I didn't know, or barely knew. And because we were still legally M, I felt I couldn't start another R with someone else, even tho he was. We both even experimented with things sexually to 'spice' things up. Inviting others in and all. It's not something that I would normally do. But again, he's very persuasive and I felt it's what I needed to do to help my R. Looking back, I was just hurting myself and he was controlling my emotions to fulfill his own fantasies.
STBX did the 'nice things' also. Showing up unexpectantly to cut the grass. Fixing the holes in the walls that he had made when I was visiting my family. Giving me extra money during the month for things around the house. It's great and all, but it was just his way to keep controlling me.
I don't know if that's your X's intentions, but honestly, I wouldn't hold your breath until he has moved into that apartment and it's very clear that it's completely over with OW. And if he doesn't want you OR the OW knowing about the apartment, it sounds like he's still not sure if he's going to take it.
Forgive what he has done to you. Not for him, but for you. You really truly can't move on until you've forgiven him and yourself. But don't forget. Forgetting means forgetting the lessons you've learned and that makes everything you've done for yourself pointless.