Hope4us struggle, part 9 or 10 or whatever

[Hope4us]

I appreciate the thoughts guys. I'm out of town for work and just haven't had much time.

Things have kind of cooled down since Saturday night. I think W was in "the mood" Sunday, but I was sooooo tired I just held her hand in bed and went to sleep. We went back to work on Monday and things are definitely different now. I don't know if it's because she doesn't get as much sleep during the week or if her going back to work reminds her of OM and that causes feelings that pull away from me or I know she's really busy at work so maybe that's it. But definitely not the same excitement from her we had last week.

Not that it's bad or anything. Still talking, sharing etc but the affection has dropped off. And Tuesday night when I went to bed I gave her a kiss good night and I could tell she didn't really want to kiss me. Then she slept on the couch all night. She came upstairs a few minutes after I got out of bed and she crawled into bed and I said to her "I missed having you next to me last night" and she replied "I fell asleep on the couch and when I woke it was 3:00 am so I figured since we were getting up in two hours it was stupid to come up to bed".

Not sure I buy that. We had gone shopping earlier in the night and everything was fine. And then on the way home we were talking about how crappy the weather was and how we wished we were still in Florida and she said we should go back and I said "what about for our anniversary in March?" and from that point the rest of the evening she was colder. Not like she was ignoring me or anything, but it was just different. And it has been since.

I left for this work trip Wed afternoon before she got home and I called her on my way. It's like she was in a hurry to get off the phone. And then when I called when I got to my hotel, after we talked for a bit she said to me "S16 wants to talk to you". S16 gets on the phone and says "I didn't say I wanted to talk to you". So WTF was that? Using S16 to get off the phone?

I came to the job site this morning and spent from 8 am until about 1:30 500 feet underground in a cavern we're building. When I came up I had a text from her so I called her and she was like "hello" in the most uninterested voice you've ever heard. And she knew it was me because she has caller ID and would have answered in her "work" response voice if she didn't know it was me.

So wow...that's a lot to say WTF is going on? How can you go from passionate LM multiple times last week and as late as Saturday and her wanting to on Sunday to something decidedly cooler Monday evening? It's so discouraging. I thought we were so on our way to her figuring it out and then a set back. I know I shouldn't worry about a couple of days and she's going to have these ups and downs and especially with returning to work where she met OM it had to have an affect on her.

And I don't know. Maybe this work I'm doing is affecting her. This cavern we're constructing had a cave in on one of the shafts a few months ago and she wasn't excited about me going "down hole" so maybe this is a defense mechanism. Or maybe one of the reasons she had the affair was because in the year and a half prior to it starting I was traveling a lot and this just reminds her why she had it.

Who knows. I just know I'm pretty down after the previous weeks events. But I guess that just goes with the territory huh?