chicki's 7th thread -latest drama

[Livin4ME]

I know Sir....I might not have explained it right....what I meant was...don't worry about him. Just continue living like he's not there, even tho he's trying his hardest and everything. Just continue living her life. Because that's what I was doing while my sister was playing her games. To me, it wasn't a game. It's just what I did. I had no clue she considered it part of her game until she pointed it out to me.
So to bring into Chicki's sitch...to him, it's a game. To chicki, it's just living her life like he doesn't matter.
Regarding the sex, it's a game to him. It's a way to control her. He obviously doesn't wanna relationship with her or else he wouldn't be with OW. It's just free sex. Whenever he wants it. Not all sitchs are the same. But that's how it is in mine. He got it from OW when he wanted when living with me. He got it from me when he wanted it when he was living with OW. Yeah, sex is fun, it's great. But if he's with OW and still getting sex from me, it's not respectful in any way, shape or form. And I feel that as long as he's with OW, he's not trying to build on any type of relationship with me. Ya know?
I know it took me a long time to realize this and I may say it bluntly...but when sex is involved pertaining to exspouses, it's very tricky. You have a bond with each other. And it's especially hard for the LBS regarding emotions. Whereas, for the WAS, it's very easy. It's a control issue. They know they can control you regarding sex. But that's all it is. It took me forever to realize that. I thought we were building our R because sex brings us closer. But he wouldn't stick around after, he would get up after alittle bit, get dressed and go home to her. And then the next time he saw me, it would happen again. He was controlling me. He was a cake eater. And it sounds like her X is the same way. If he respected her at all, especially regarding sex, he wouldn't be making inappropriate gestures to her about BJ's. And the same if he respected any type of R with her.
Right now, he sees her as a sex toy. He can try and try and try and finally she'll give in and he can win that battle and go back home. He doesn't care about whatever emotions might go thru her head before, during or afterwards. It's just sex.
And that's fine and dandy if that's all you want. But if you're trying to move on and have a healthy life and future R's, the sex has to stop. Because as long as you keep doing it with that person, the longer that person has control of you and the longer it's going to take you to accomplish another healthy R and healthy life.
Again, I'm sorry for my bluntness. And maybe it's because mine went on like that for so long and I'm very passionate about protecting yourself and your emotions that I'm like that.