Still waiting for my wife.

[HHIF]

I found this site and read DR while we were seperated.We found out through some therapy and reading that our relationship had been controlled by fears for a long time.
I had a fear of abandiment and she had a fear of engulfment.I wanted to be with her all the time and when she would go out with girlfriends or anything like that.I would get anxios and worry about where she was and what she was doing and then question her about everything when she got home,the more I pursued the more she felt somthered and pulled away.
It was a crazy dance that neither of us knew was even going on and it finally lead to sepertaion and her filing for D.
That's when I woke up and realized that I had some issues and was about to lose the most important person in my life.
Started reading and praying and doing some things on my own,joined a mens group at church and at the same time I made myself quit checking up on her and worrying about what she was doing all the time.
It was hard for me,on night I was with mt 18 yr old daughter and my wife didn't make it back homw by the time she had thought she would,so I started into my old habits of where is hse ,why isn;t she home yet,what could she be doing,and my daughter just said Dad would just relax,Mom is not doing anything wrong,she never does anything wrong.
I was like wow she is absolutely right,I drive me and ny wife crazy worrying about what ifs and worse case stuff,for no reason.

I still fight those thoughts at timea but have learned to reconize them before I let them get going,I have learned to reax and understand that have nothing to fear,my wife is a good lady with a good heart and has always been faithful,she doesn't even flirt.
Even while we were seperated,neither of us dated anyone.

It is a long process of healing and growing and learning how to embrace the changes and not fear them.