She said that she used to do everything she could to get a reaction out of me. She would call me names, pick on me, irritate me, you name it, she did it. And it would piss her off so bad because I never reacted the way she wanted me to. She wanted me to blow up at her. Cuz then she felt she had succeeded in what she was doing. But all I did was kill her with kindness. I was nice to her. I still did what I wanted to do, but I told her no in a nice way. And that pissed her off. She never got what she wanted. She never got that reaction she wanted. I just went on about my business like she wasn't even there. Drove her nuts!!!! But let me tell you when she left, I would go off about it to someone else!!!
I can just imagine the dynamics. I can see this in my kids even now. But you know, when I read this story, I get the sense that the focal point was what the sister was feeling. For Chicki, that perspective is not relevant.
I'm not suggesting chicki maintain boundaries in order to affect her ex's feelings, or drive him crazy, or piss him off. I'm suggesting she take action to protect herself, to strengthen herself, to be right with herself. I don't really care about the guy who is harassing he;, whether he is po'd or not is not my concern, and I don't think, at this point, it should be chicki's concern.
This is about Chicki and her ability to say NO to things that are not healthy.
--- Having said that, having sex with your ex - or "cheating" with your ex - is a different topic. I wouldn't rule it out in all cases. I can totally see that in some cases it would be unhealthy and wouldn't feel right for the left-behind-spouse. On the other hand there are scenarios where it would be not on very effective in DBing, but also healthy and nurturing for the spouses, if done in an atmosphere of respect.
And I know, all this mumbo jumbo about respect and boundaries - it all sounds like B.S. - we're talkin about sex here! Doin' the deed! Having some fun between the sheets! But respectful interactions don't mean "no fun". People can be sexual and playful and respectful, all at the same time.
ps: Confused, "Finding Nemo" is one of my FAVORITE movies.
