OK, having had a look, it is really hard to argue with the leopard! Though the idea of the leapard showing up later in the evening is pretty interesting!
Good to hear about your talk with Jody. Sounds like she still sees a lot of positives in your sitch. That is great.
I think the leopard idea would be fabulous. I just have two concerns.
1. Your H might see it as pressuring, to ML and be sexy and romantic with you. However since you would be coming home from an event it might be okay. Just wouldn't want him to take it the wrong way if he was not in the mood. Would your "expectation" here be sex? Or do you want to wear the costume because it makes you feel sexy and fun and you want to be in a happy mood when out with friends?
2. Your H might think you are trying to make him jealous or suspicious if you were dressed that way at a party with other men. I don't know. . .probably just me thinking that way. If it is something you have/would have done in the past even without him being present then this is obviously not an issue.
Just my thoughts for ya.
I think it is wonderful that he is reaching out, even in small ways, while he is on his trip. He is obviously thinking about you which is good.
Keep it up and let us know what you decide about the costume!
Daisy-I would definitely not have the ML expectation at all. Rather, as you said, I'd want to feel more happy and fun, and I have always liked dressing up on Halloween. Moreover it's the only costume that I have. H knows I wore it to another party once when he wasn't there, and has seen pictures. I think especially if I just talked about the female coworkers I was with to make it clear that I wasn't trying to make him jealous, it could be OK.
I'm still feeling nervous about our sitch since yesterday's conversations were 1-line business/errand things. I liked that he called from the airport in Frankfurt, when he could have just sent a text, but there haven't been any pleasantries at all, so I worry he could be pushing me away again. I think in the end I may base my decision on any communication we have today. It's possible he won't reach out at all depending on his work schedule, but if he does, I'll be watching for what kind of communication it is...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Feeling odd and nervous, and I still don't have any inspiration about what I should do tomorrow night. H was online for half the day and didn't reach out to me. He'll be back tomorrow, and I feel it's strange that we haven't talked. The only thing that I know is that he still wants to go to the outlet mall that we were planning to go to, and this only because he brought it up on that call from the Frankfurt airport on Tuesday night. I feel like he is trying to push me away again after the progress that we made, and I'm not sure how to handle it...I hope I am overreacting and that he is just caving it up after the intimacy. I just know how worried he is about giving me "false hope." Every interaction we've had since the weekend has been business-related, and the only thing that seemed a bit out of the ordinary was the call from the airport, where I felt like we were partners again.
It was a real challenge today, but I decided not to reach out. I do have a few legitimate things to email him about, but I refrained. He has a horrendous flight today, where he leaves at 340 AM local time, and arrives back to Dublin at about 1 PM. So, I will see him online tomorrow for sure. This means that if I DO decide to stay away for the night, he will see my note and likely IM me about it throughout the day. If I decide to go home, then I will spend the day wondering whether he actually wants me to be there or not. I REALLY wish that I could get a sign on the right thing to do in this case...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Hi ITH ~ Sorry about the late response, worked last night and went straight to bed when I got in. Anywho, it is a very sexy outfit and I definatly see why you want to wear it. I think you should wait a bit and see how your interaction with him is between today and tomorrow. Are you able to make a last minute descision about going home, such as can you decide that night to go to a friends house? If so, I would see if he mentions anything by tomorrow afternoon about coming home. If you do go home def make sure that it is late too, so he knows you were not waiting around for him to get home.
Worst case you go over a friends house and make sure that when you come home the next day that he sees you taking the costume out of your bag, it might inspire him to want to see it.
You guys have plans for Saturday, right? If anything it won't be bad either if you came home Sat morning all fresh, happy and vibrant ready to enjoy the day together. Damnit it's confusing!!!
I am wishing you receive a sign. LoL Don't worry we still ahve today and tomorrow afternoon to figure this out.
Thanks! Just thought I'd check the boards and was happy to see your post :).
I think I need to make the decision about where I stay before I leave the house tomorrow morning, as I want to leave the appropriate note. He gets home around 1 PM, so he'll need to either know I'm coming home late, or not coming home at all. I'm tending toward staying the night away at this point, as it is a complete 180, and will be entirely unexpected. If I wait to hear from him tomorrow, there is the chance that he will ask me not to come home, slim but possible, again taking away my strength in this situation. There is also the equally slim chance that if I say I am staying at a friend's, he will tell me to come home instead. At least this way I would know he wanted me there.
He hasn't reached out at all today, which I find a bit weird and frustrating. Of course given the fact that he doesn't fly out until 340 AM Cairo time, I may still get a text or an email or something, though I'd say it's doubtful at this point.
So my idea now, barring positive contact first, is to leave a note letting him know that I left candy for the trick or treaters, dinner and beers in the fridge, and that I'm planning to stay the night at a friend's house to give him time to decompress and recharge since I know how tiring business travel can be. I'll let him know that I'm planning to take the train home Saturday morning, and that he should just let me know if plans change.
I'm not sure if our plans are for Saturday or Sunday, but I am going to assume they are Saturday, giving him the option to change them.
I feel very weird about this, but it does sound empowering, so might be the right thing to do. Anyway, as I said, am still looking for a sign one way or the other :).
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
In the end of your post you said that you feel weird....I believe that means that you are doing something right then in DB terms. 180s are suppose to feel weird and unnatural so I think it is the best decision!!
Yes was also just thinking of how in the Secret everything should feel joyous...
Anyway I guess my 180 still feels better than the alternative, given that I don't know if H actually wants me at home or not...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
That's the thing I think we have to find that happy medium between the two lessons...like for instance you going away without him suggesting it is a 180 (good in DB terms) now you need to apply the Secret to the same situation. You are going to go away because it will make both you and him happy for the night, you will conscentrate on the positive affect that it will have and what a good day you will have on Saturday because of it. Win/Win
If you're still looking at the forums, not sure if I got a sign or not...
Two things are telling me that maybe I should stay at the house, even though I still like the shock value of not staying here, and I think it would impress H. About an hour ago I got an email from our rental agency saying that we needed to do some weeding etc. I forwarded it on to my H, as he has been doing loads of weeding. He wrote a scathing response to our rental agent about all of the work we've been doing. It was unbelievably scathing. I just wrote back and said "well put".
I got home, got online, and he's on IM. I didn't expect to hear anything, but I got "hey, we can weed this weekend." I just wrote back that I'd put on the weed killer, and said "dumba** rental agent", to show that I sympathized. Then he got offline immediately. OK not amazing contact, but something "marriage-like". I think he is really looking for activities for us to do together, rather than sitting in the house. I am fine with this of course.
The second thing is that I emailed my friend about staying there tomorrow. She had just left for the weekend, and I got her out of office response. I texted her, and haven't heard back. I have the keys and "could" just stay there, but I feel a little weird about this in case they have things laying around or something that they wouldn't want guests to see.
So given this combination, I'm thinking that I should stay at the house, but come home very late in the leopard outfit (but not so late that he won't be awake).
Does this now seem reasonable? I can always choose to leave on Monday or something instead...I guess what's pushing me over the edge is staying at someone's house when she doesn't know I'm there. I don't feel good about that.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I think you should wait a bit and see how your interaction with him is between today and tomorrow. Are you able to make a last minute descision about going home, such as can you decide that night to go to a friends house? If so, I would see if he mentions anything by tomorrow afternoon about coming home. If you do go home def make sure that it is late too, so he knows you were not waiting around for him to get home. 